Aqfaq's opening post, now with "solutions" (in spoiler tags). Note that there is no 53.
I like 10, 11, 23, 25, 40, 46, 51, 54 and 57.
1. You can TAS anything, but not everything.
You can do anything, but not everything.
—David Allen
2. Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is no frame left to take away.
... perfection is finally attained not when there is no longer anything to add, but when there is no longer anything to take away ...
—Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
3. The richest man is not he who has the most frames, but he who needs the least.
The richest man in the world is not the one who has the most, but the one who needs the least.
—Unknown Author
4. You never miss a shot you take.
You miss 100% of the shots you never take.
—Wayne Gretzky
5. Courage is not the absence of frame war, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than frame war.
Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.
—Ambrose Redmoon
6. You must be the glitch you wish to see in the game.
You must be the change you wish to see in the world.
—Gandhi
7. When hungry, record your TAS; when tired, close your emulator. Fools may laugh at me, but wise men will know what I mean.
When hungry, eat your rice; when tired, close your eyes. Fools may laugh at me, but wise men will know what I mean.
—Lin-Chi
8. The third-rate mind is only happy when it is tasing with Famtasia. The second-rate mind is only happy when it is tasing with Bizhawk. The first-rate mind is only happy when it is tasing.
The third-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking with the majority. The second-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking with the minority. The first-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking.
—A. A. Milne
9. To the man who only has a wall, everything he encounters begins to look like a walljump.
To the man who only has a hammer, everything he encounters begins to look like a nail.
—Abraham Maslow
10. We are what we repeatedly do; frame-advancing, then, is not an act but a habit.
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.
—Aristotle
11. A wise man gets more use from his rerecords than a fool from his bot.
A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his friends.
—Baltasar Gracian
12. Do not seek to follow in the route of the men of old; seek the glitch they sought.
Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the wise; seek what they sought.
—Basho
13. Watch your game choices; they become the forum threads.
Watch your forum threads; they become the places to post WIPs.
Watch your WIPs; they become the precious files.
Watch your precious files; they become the Workbench stuff.
Watch your Workbench stuff; it will become Gruefood.
Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habit. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.
—Lao-Tze
14. Everyone is a genius at least once a year. The real geniuses simply have their savestates closer together.
Everyone is a genius at least once a year. The real geniuses simply have their bright ideas closer together.
—Georg Christoph Lichtenberg
15. What we plan, or what we search in the RAM, or what we record is, in the end, of little consequence. The only consequence is what we do with the desynch.
What we think, or what we know, or what we believe is, in the end, of little consequence. The only consequence is what we do.
—John Ruskin
16. The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new RAM addresses but seeing new values in them.
The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.
—Marcel Proust
17. TAS like you don’t need to get published, take damage like you’ve never been hurt, and encode like no one’s watching.
Work like you don't need money.
Love like you've never been hurt and
Dance Like no one's watching.
—Unknown Author
http://www.rogerknapp.com/inspire/Dancelike.htm
18. Try a thing you haven’t done three times. Once, to get over the fear of doing it. Twice, to learn how to do it. And a third time, to figure out whether it desynchs or not.
Try a thing you haven't done three times. Once, to get over the fear of doing it. Twice, to learn how to do it. And a third time to figure out whether you like it or not.
—Virgil Garnett Thomson
19. Even if you’re tasing the right game, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.
Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
—Will Rogers
20. People often say that publications won't last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.
People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily.
—Zig Ziglar
21. Before I was an expert player I had six theories about optimizing runs; now I have six obsoleted runs and no theories.
Before I got married I had six theories about raising children; now, I have six children and no theories.
—John Wilmot
22. What the world needs is more geniuses with Gens, there are so few of us left.
What the world needs is more geniuses with humility; there are so few of us left.
—Oscar Levant
23. Always jump over your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.
Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.
—Oscar Wilde
24. I’ve gone into hundreds of item slots, and have been corrupted into thousands of things, but nobody ever told me I was 3!!"##"!!"!"!#"LLFLLSSLLDF3.14...
I've gone into hundreds of [fortune-teller's parlors], and have been told thousands of things, but nobody ever told me I was a policewoman getting ready to arrest her.
—THE END
http://www.quotationspage.com/quote/392.html
25. When you go into Workbench you are putting your TAS into the hands of people who weren’t smart enough to get out of judge duty.
When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
—Norm Crosby
26. Those who believe in team runs, raise my rerecord count.
Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.
—Kurt Vonnegut
27. Just the fact that some lag frames were removed does not imply that all that are removed are lag frames. They removed lag frames in Ducktales, they removed lag frames in Ducktales 2, they removed lag frames in Darkwing Duck. But they also optimized boss fights.
Just the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.
—Carl Sagan
28. My glitches extend to the point of even suspecting the sincerity of the glitches.
My pessimism extends to the point of even suspecting the sincerity of the pessimists.
—Jean Rostand
29. Sometimes I worry about being a success in a game world.
Sometimes i worry about being a success in a mediocre world.
—Lily Tomlin
30. I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to obsolete my runs behind my back.
I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back.
—Richard Lewis
31. We’ve heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete TAS of Dune II; now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true.
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
—Robert Wilensky
32. If there are no stupid RNGs, then what kind of RNGs do stupid people manipulate? Do they get smart just in time to manipulate RNGs?
If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?
—Scott Adams
33. If the lessons of frame wars teach us anything it is that nobody learns the lessons that frame wars teach us.
If the lessons of history teach us anything it is that nobody learns the lessons that history teaches us.
—Anon
34. When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become expert taser. Now I’m beginning to believe it.
When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. Now I'm beginning to believe it.
—Clarence Darrow
35. Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own TAS. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it.
Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else's can shorten it.
—Cullen Hightower
36. There are many who dare not begin the movie from a savestate for fear of what the TASVideoAgent will say.
There are many who dare not kill themselves for fear of what the neighbors will say.
—Cyril Connolly
37. There are so many scan lines on television. Does that cause scan lines on the streets?
There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?
—Dick Cavett
38. All TASes are frauds. The only difference between them is that some admit it. I myself deny it.
All men are frauds. The only difference between them is that some admit it. I myself deny it.
—H. L. Mencken
39. I don’t mind what the admins do, as long as they don’t do it on the front page and frighten the newbies.
I don't mind what Congress does, as long as they don't do it in the streets and frighten the horses.
—Victor Hugo
40. I took a speed running course and ran Rush'n Attack in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
I took a speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
—Woody Allen
41. The person who frame-advances too much and uses his brain too little will fall into lazy habits of Gruefood.
The person who reads too much and uses his brain too little will fall into lazy habits of thinking.
—Albert Einstein
42. Believe those who are seeking the optimal input. Doubt those who find it.
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
—André Gide
43. It is the mark of an educated judge to be able to be entertained by a run without accepting it.
It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.
—Aristotle
44. I’d rather live with a good Gruefood than a bad Star.
I'd rather live with a good question than a bad answer.
—Aryeh Frimer
45. We TAS something every day, and lots of times it’s that what we TASed the day before.
We learn something every day, and lots of times it's that what we learned the day before was wrong.
—Bill Vaughan
46. I have made this TAS longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
I have made this letter longer than usual, only because I have not had the time to make it shorter.
—Blaise Pascal
47. Don’t ever wrestle with a judge. You’ll both get dirty, but the judge will enjoy it.
Don't ever wrestle with a pig. You'll both get dirty, but the pig will enjoy it.
—Cale Yarborough
48. A taser is simply a fellow who doesn’t take his education too seriously.
An inventor is simply a fellow who doesn't take his education too seriously.
—Charles F. Kettering
49. Asking a working taser what he thinks about your WIP is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs.
Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamp-post what it feels about dogs.
—Christopher Hampton
50. Better to TAS for yourself and have no public, than to TAS for the public and have no self.
Better to write for yourself and have no public than to write for the public and have no self
—Cyril Connolly
51. Never be afraid to check the Workbench on April, after all, you could be missing out on the joke submission of the century.
Never be afraid to laugh at yourself. After all, you could be missing out on the joke of the century.
—Dame Edna Everage
52. I am patient with loading screens but not with sloppy gameplay.
I am patient with stupidity, but not with those who are proud of it.
—Edith Sitwell
54. The cure for boredom is TASing. There is no cure for TASing.
The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.
—Ellen Parr
55. Advice is what we ask for when we already know the WIP was accidentally deleted but wish we didn’t.
Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.
—Erica Jong
56. Some people like my advice so much that they frame-advance the wallzip instead of botting it.
Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it.
—Gordon R. Dickson
57. The trouble with Rat Race is that even if you win, it is still a bad game choice.
The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
—Lily Tomlin
58. Never ascribe to emulator failure, that which can be explained by an in-game glitch.
Never ascribe to malice that which is adequately explained by incompetence.
—Napoleon (Hanlon’s Razor)
59. TAS was given to gamer to compensate him for what he is not, and a sense of humor was provided to console him for what he is.
Imagination is a quality given a man to compensate him for what he is not, and a sense of humour was provided to console him for what he is.
—Oscar Wilde
60. When a taser can no longer save a frame, it is time for frames to save him.
When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him.
—Thomas Szasz
And Flip's post:
Insanity is playing the same TAS over and over again and expecting different results.
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. (exists in various forms)
Note: This one is often attributed to Einstein but a lot of people believe it is a misattribution.
sparky and I have tried before, but we were never able to wall-jump the left side up to the heart tank, even with charged Shotgun Ice.