What can I say? I am independent, I have relatively good health without major problems, I have a dream job that I like a lot and is relatively stress-free and earns me enough to live quite comfortably in my own apartment (a bit kind of like condominium-style), allowing me even extra expenses (such as buying new hardware and video games without having to worry about whether I have enough money for it), and I even live in a country where there are no major problems... Everything seems to be as perfect as one could ever expect.
Except for that one minor problem: Chronic loneliness. And when I say chronic, I mean it. We are not talking about months, or even years. We are talking about decades.
And it sucks even more that chronic loneliness falls just under the limit of people actually starting to care. After all, I don't have any "real" problems. I'm not clinically depressed, I do not have any health or psychological problems, nor do I have any problems with other people (such as somebody abusing me). There just are no problems that people care about. Except for that lack of close social interaction with other people.
At some level I feel ashamed of complaining about it in this thread, where people have actual problems, where they have been actually hurt and are suffering, where they are actually depressed and have experienced actual trauma. I can't even attribute the loneliness problem to any physical or psychological disability, because there is none. In a sense, I'm the only one to blame; I'm the architect of my own loneliness. I can't blame it on anybody else.
I know I'm not the only one. Chronically lonely people are plentiful, but they are mostly invisible to society. (After all, there is a reason why they are lonely.) Out of sight, out of mind.
Sometimes some of them speak out. Many will be understanding and compassionate, and while that's good and appreciated, it's not very helpful. It doesn't fix the problem. Others will just ignore and dismiss such "first world problems".
The most asshole people, however, will mock, ridicule and insult them, and that pisses me off to no end, especially when we are talking about a man. When a chronically lonely man who has tried his best to build close social relationships, to find companionship, but has failed time and again, then wonders out loud why, why that is, why when they have tried to become more social and be nice to people, these assholes will insult them by accusing them of thinking that they "deserve" something, that they think they "deserve sex" or whatever. You know, that whole "nice guy" narrative, where these "nice guys" are treated like complete shit when they dare to express their sorrows and wonder why it happens, when they try to ask for help. And that pisses me off to no end.
Not that that particular thing has happened to me (I'm an extra level more lonely, I suppose), but I have seen it too many times, and I recognize the same characteristics as myself in those "nice guys", and it makes me want to punch those assholes who deride and insult them in the face.
Chronic loneliness is a vicious cycle. The longer you are lonely, the harder it becomes to break the cycle. If you have no experience in social interaction, you won't learn it either when you can't socially interact with people. And that's not for the lack of trying. It's just that if there is no experience, it's hard to do anything. You can't do what you don't know how. You can, for example, go to a social event (such as a Christmas party), be six hours there, and make zero new acquaintances, and leave even more depressed than you were.
And the thing is, chronic loneliness is not an inconsequential thing. Wikipedia says: "Chronic loneliness can be a serious, life-threatening health condition. It has been found to be associated with an increased risk of stroke and cardiovascular disease. Loneliness shows an increased incidence of high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and obesity. Loneliness is shown to increase the concentration of cortisol levels in the body. Prolonged, high cortisol levels can cause anxiety, depression, digestive problems, heart disease, sleep problems and weight gain."
I suppose that my advice to younger people would be: Don't let the opportunities that present themselves go. You might find this or that social event uninteresting or boring, but don't just dismiss it; go there even if you think you'll be bored out of your skull. If your friends invite you to go somewhere or do something, say yes; do not let the opportunity pass by. Be grateful if you have friends who invite you to do whatever. Social interaction does not become easier as you grow older, it only becomes harder. As you grow older, if you missed all those opportunities to socialize, you'll start finding out that there will be less and less such opportunities as you grow older. At some point you'll find yourself in a situation where you have absolutely no freaking idea what you could do to socialize, because there is nothing. All your friends will have married and moved elsewhere (and even if they haven't moved, it really doesn't matter). All those school activities and such will have long been gone. You will have no social network where you could interact with other people on a regular basis, and you will have absolutely no idea how you could build such a thing anymore, because there is nobody.
At some point you just stop trying, and submit to your fate. After all, you don't have any "real" problems that people would care about. You will have resigned to live a lonely life for the rest of your existence. And nobody will care. Not enough to try to help.
