Posted: 10/13/2010 7:23 AM
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pirate_sephiroth
Active player (315)
Joined: 2/28/2006
Posts: 2275
Location: Milky Way -> Earth -> Brazil
New systems TAS of 2009
There was a retarded duck farmer who had 2 sons, but only enough money to send one to college. So he came up with a fair way to choose who was to get the money. He called both of his sons into a room and gave them each a retarded duck and instructed them to go into the city. The one who made the most off the duck would win the money for college. Well the first child, being the good child he was, scurried off to sell his duck. As he was walking, he saw a lady mowing her lawn. She jumped up from the mower and screamed, "IS THAT A RETARDED DUCK?!?" It sure is he replyed, and its for sale too! She said that she collected retarded ducks and would gladly pay him $10 for that duck, he agreed. Well the other son being the "bad" kid went strait for the whore house. When he got there, a lady started hittin on him. He said he'd love to fuck her but he doesnt have any money, just this retarded duck. She thought about it for awhile and said, well I always did want a pet. So they go in the back and have "mad passionate animal sex." When they were done, the lady said she didn't want the duck anymore. He said he would gladly take the duck back if he could fuck her again, so they went at it again. The guy was pretty happy by now so he runs on home, he ran so fast that the duck got away from him and ran out in front of a car and got hit. The duck was clearly dead, so the lady being in the hurry that she was, gave the young man $25 compensation for the dead duck, then she sped off in her car. When the two finally got home, the father once again called them into a room and said, "How much did you make," looking at his "good" son. The "good" son said $10, with a modest look on his face. Then the dad glared at his other son and said, "How about you?" The bad son said, "well... I got a fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck, and $25 for a fucked up duck!"
"Genuine self-esteem, however, consists not of causeless feelings, but of certain knowledge about yourself. It rests on the conviction that you — by your choices, effort and actions — have made yourself into the kind of person able to deal with reality. It is the conviction — based on the evidence of your own volitional functioning — that you are fundamentally able to succeed in life and, therefore, are deserving of that success." - Onkar Ghate
Bisqwit wrote:
Drama, too long, didn't read, lol.
Posted: 10/13/2010 7:26 AM
(Edited: 10/16/2010 12:31 PM)
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Flygon
Joined: 11/4/2007
Posts: 1772
Location: Australia, Victoria
And already the thread is derailed. Edit: This post makes no sense ever since the topic was split.
Posted: 10/13/2010 7:30 AM
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pirate_sephiroth
Active player (315)
Joined: 2/28/2006
Posts: 2275
Location: Milky Way -> Earth -> Brazil
New systems TAS of 2009
We met in a secluded field, the sun nearly kissing the evening horizon. The warm breeze was full of that earthy musky scent that only those fortunate enough to live outside the urban rat race know, and quiet whispering of leaves in the Weeping Willow overhead added the final touch to the most romantic scene. We lay there, both naked. I knew I had to have her and have her now. Without a word being spoken, I moved myself to a position of dominance. I could feel instantly that this was what she had been waiting for as she frantically thrust her pelvis at my approaching organ. I moved slowly at first, inch by inch, until I was fully inside her. Then as tension rose, we threw caution to the wind and abandoned ourselves to the moment. Although inexperienced, she approached every change of position with enthusiasm, moaning with despair every time I withdrew to prevent myself from ending it all too soon. As sexual tension heightened towards the inevitable mind-blowing climax, it was all I could do to hold out any longer. Finally the moment we had been both waiting for was upon us, and we rolled together in the now damp grass. As the last deep orange glow of the long setting sun melted into the darkness of approaching night, we lay there still entwined in an amorous embrace. I kissed her long and lovingly and whispered how good she had been, she tenderly and sensuously licked my inner ear and whispered, Baaa, then re-joined the flock.
"Genuine self-esteem, however, consists not of causeless feelings, but of certain knowledge about yourself. It rests on the conviction that you — by your choices, effort and actions — have made yourself into the kind of person able to deal with reality. It is the conviction — based on the evidence of your own volitional functioning — that you are fundamentally able to succeed in life and, therefore, are deserving of that success." - Onkar Ghate
Bisqwit wrote:
Drama, too long, didn't read, lol.
Posted: 10/13/2010 9:46 PM
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Captain_Forehead
Player (79)
Joined: 7/7/2008
Posts: 873
Location: Utah
Wait a second, was the guy also a sheep?
Posted: 10/14/2010 3:39 AM
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Mitjitsu
He/Him
Banned User
Joined: 4/24/2006
Posts: 2997
TAS of 2007 N64 TAS of 2007
I like cheese.
Posted: 10/15/2010 12:35 AM
Post subject: What?
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Shinryuu
Experienced player (544)
Joined: 5/12/2005
Posts: 707
NES TAS of 2020 Glitchy TAS of 2020 TAS of 2010 NES TAS of 2010 Glitchy TAS of 2010 NES TAS of 2009
pirate_sephiroth.. I must say this once, you're a genius from another dimension which got split by my own power which I discovered in the past. You are my creation.. no you are both my creation and your own will! You behave like a brave warrior from distant stars. We should travel together through cosmic voids and gather tools from another dimensions to make better tool-assisted speedruns. Oh this poetry.. no insanity which flows in my veins is calling you to sleep in my bosom. Let us feel the grand renewal of terrific passion!!
Posted: 10/15/2010 4:43 AM
Quote
pirate_sephiroth
Active player (315)
Joined: 2/28/2006
Posts: 2275
Location: Milky Way -> Earth -> Brazil
New systems TAS of 2009
Three men die and go to Heaven. When they get there, St. Peter is standing at the gates of Heaven. He says, "Now you may enter Heaven. But you must promise not to step on any ducks." So they all promised not to step on any ducks. The gates of Heaven opened. To their horror the grounds are covered with ducks. After 5 minutes the first man stepped on aduck. Instantly St. Peter appeared and tied an ugly women to him and said, "For your punishment you are now bound together for all eternity. After 10 minutes the second man stepped on a duck. Again, instantly St. Peter appeared with an even uglier woman and again, ties them both together and condemnes them for all eternity. The third man was terrified. He took special precautions not to step on any ducks. If there is one thing he hates it's an ugly woman. On the one year aniversary of his arrival St. Peter comes to him and leads him to a beach at sunset where he meets the most beautiful woman in the world. He says to St. Peter, "What have I done to deserve this?" "I don't know about you ", said the women, "But I stepped on a damn duck!"
"Genuine self-esteem, however, consists not of causeless feelings, but of certain knowledge about yourself. It rests on the conviction that you — by your choices, effort and actions — have made yourself into the kind of person able to deal with reality. It is the conviction — based on the evidence of your own volitional functioning — that you are fundamentally able to succeed in life and, therefore, are deserving of that success." - Onkar Ghate
Bisqwit wrote:
Drama, too long, didn't read, lol.
Posted: 10/15/2010 1:27 PM
Quote
NitroGenesis
He/Him
Editor, Experienced player (556)
Joined: 12/24/2009
Posts: 1873
I WANNA TELL A STORY TOO!!!!1!one The Banana There once was a banana who was the color of puke. The banana got mocked at his banana school, and it made him cry and feel bad. So one day, he decided to go to apple school instead. BUT... He discovered he had to be an apple to get into apple school. But the banana wouldn't give up. He went to the library and rented a book called how to be an apple. It said in order to be an apple, you need to be red. So the banana took out a knife and stabbed the librarian. He was now covered with blood from head to toe. Then the book said he needed to be round. He went to the local McDonalds for lunch. He was now round. The banana was now an apple. The main problem was that he still tasted like banana. So then he went to go get genetically reproduced so that he would taste like an apple. He then went to apple school and lived happily ever after. That is until he took a shower. The blood washed off and underneath, he was puke yellow! What a shit-flipper! He got kicked out of apple school and had to go back to banana school. The end. See? THAT WAS A VERY INCREDIBLEY GENETIC STORY. You're welcome for it.
YoungJ1997lol wrote:
Normally i would say Yes, but thennI thought "its not the same hack" so ill stick with meh.
Posted: 10/15/2010 3:01 PM
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Captain_Forehead
Player (79)
Joined: 7/7/2008
Posts: 873
Location: Utah
pirate_sephiroth wrote:
Three men die and go to Heaven. When they get there, St. Peter is standing at the gates of Heaven. He says, "Now you may enter Heaven. But you must promise not to step on any ducks." So they all promised not to step on any ducks. The gates of Heaven opened. To their horror the grounds are covered with ducks. After 5 minutes the first man stepped on aduck. Instantly St. Peter appeared and tied an ugly women to him and said, "For your punishment you are now bound together for all eternity. After 10 minutes the second man stepped on a duck. Again, instantly St. Peter appeared with an even uglier woman and again, ties them both together and condemnes them for all eternity. The third man was terrified. He took special precautions not to step on any ducks. If there is one thing he hates it's an ugly woman. On the one year aniversary of his arrival St. Peter comes to him and leads him to a beach at sunset where he meets the most beautiful woman in the world. He says to St. Peter, "What have I done to deserve this?" "I don't know about you ", said the women, "But I stepped on a damn duck!"
I actually already heard that story, one of my neighbors told it to me. Except it wasn't heaven, it was a swamp that the three boys were trying to get through just filled with ducks, and it wasn't St. Peter, it was a ranger.