Research Paper on Autism
Persuasion Essay
Those are two essays I found when scrounging around my old documents I wrote in college last year. Hopefully soon I'll have the first chapter for my anthology ready (finished basic character bios, need to start actually writing it and figure out how to start it.)
Chamale, your writing I took a quick glance at, so I'll give some feedback:
-I know it's 1,703 words, but I really would have like a full chapter out before posting work. Especially here, where you're touching upon something and before I take one breath foomp the reading is done.
-I'm not sure how original this storyline is (it seems familiar/already touched upon in a few sci fi books) you might want to think about how differently you can approach the same subject.
-Who is the main character? We don't even have a name attached to him.
-It's one thing to have good ideas... it's another to have them down on paper in such a way that the readers can visualize what you're saying. There is precious few descriptions or visual sentences here; I'm forced to think quite hard on what is going on. There'ye hiding in the clouds, there's a city beneath them; but like, these are aliens: what do they look like? what does their ship look like? what kind of clouds are they hiding in? what does the computer that is talking look like?
-You have about 5 different things all cramped up into less than 2,000 words. each of these 5 significant points:
-being positioned over a city, hiding in the clouds
-the narrator/s are aliens, not humans (you actually go by this detail too fast, as if it's normal.)
-they're on an advanced spaceship
-Theyre's an advanced AI that interacts with the aliens on board the ship
-They're going to find somewhere to land undetected, and are surveying the world beneath them.
These can all be lengthy paragraphs on their own, but they're scrunched up.
