I will post in this thread when I feel depressed or if I'm in a difficult life situation.
In more recent days, I'm using this thread as a diary to post about what troubles me.
Everyone is encouraged to post about their own troubles, too.
---
Why should I live
if everyone who is dear to me first treats me special but then leaves me forever.
Someone I thought of as a good friend (or even more than that) touched me in the face and on the shoulder several times, smiled at me, drank from my bottle and invited me to do something on saturday. But then told me I'm not even a friend, just an acquaintance.
Fuck this bullshit. I want to have friends, I don't want to go through the world alone. I want to have a future with a relationship and something I can look forward to. And not be left by people that give me this illusion that I'm important, when I'm not.
I don't know if I ever want to fall into love again.
In fact, I might as well go through the world alone. But then I don't even care what happens. I might as well get hit by a train tomorrow.
There are many fishes in the sea! I can't help you in terms of a relationship (I don't swing that way), but I am still a friend even if we are on different continents. I'm sure you'll find someone!
That's an impossible question to answer as you can never know. After all everyone is different including you and everyone thinks differently. You just need to find someone compatible to you. I do know that if you don't try, you decrease the possibility of finding that person. I know getting rejected feels terrible, but learn from it. Maybe figure out what made you think there was something there. Like what signs did you miss that pointed out they weren't interested? After that, you should move on. Again there are lots of fishes in the sea!
That's an impossible question to answer as you can never know. After all everyone is different including you and everyone thinks differently. You just need to find someone compatible to you. I do know that if you don't try, you decrease the possibility of finding that person. I know getting rejected feels terrible, but learn from it. Maybe figure out what made you think there was something there. Like what signs did you miss that pointed out they weren't interested? After that, you should move on. Again there are lots of fishes in the sea!
I don't think of people that are special to me as fishes in a sea. If such a person leaves me alone (not necessarily because of lack of interest but because they have their own life to live) and tells me I'm not important to them, then it's as if that person has died. I can't just let it go. It leaves a scar.
I don't even need to be in love with her. I just want to see her sometimes or know what she is doing, but I can't even have that. She basicly told me that we are going to part ways.
I can't accept this.
I will never accept it when someone tells me friends are only people that you have a good time with until you part ways. But right now that's what this whole world is. People are trying for success, trying to get a good job, do something they love doing, to earn money. It's all about the money. And how good of an impression you make. I don't want to live in a world where people drift apart and never see each other again because of all this.
Right now I wish it wasn't the weekend. I'm probably going to sit here and do nothing until it's monday and I can get another chance at talking to that girl, for better or worse.
Whoa there, you've got a title that surely will scare a lot of people on this site and then you've offered scarcely enough details for any of us to offer much help.
You're a talented and interesting person! I want you to live!
As for your rejection, we've all been there, but dang, you got it rough. What your "friend" did was terrible and you should look at the silver lining that you wouldn't want to hook up with someone so cruel. It actually sounds like there was some sort of motivation for their actions (maybe they were put up to it or were intoxicated at the time) but you'll have to let go of that speculation and just read it at face value.
If there is just one piece of advice I would like you to take to heart it's that you should live for yourself. I think that everyone has a deep-seated fear that they'll never find that special someone and they'll go through life alone. While some people may have strong cultural reasons for feeling that way (e.g., they're pressured to produce grandchildren), I think if most of us step back and ask ourselves why we're so caught up in finding a mate, we'd realize how stupid the whole endeavor is.
Being in a less-than-perfect relationship sucks. It exposes yourself emotionally, puts a strain on your finances, takes a tremendous amount of time and effort, and you'll likely come to the realization that the person you're with just isn't right for you, so you just have to wait for that bomb to drop, whether you do it or they do. And what the heck do you get out of it? Companionship? Adoration? Sex? If the relationship doesn't last, you're sure to look back on all of those with disgust.
Being single is actually pretty cool! You get a lot of free time to do whatever you want, you never have to compromise, and you can live life entirely on your own terms. Forget impressing people, just do what makes you happy. Go to the gym because you want to be stronger. Study an unusual subject because you want to be more learned. Travel the world because you want to experience other cultures. Take up a craft or hobby because you want to create things for yourself. These are all things that are much harder to do while you're attempting to juggle a relationship.
Then, just as my message is starting to sink in and you realize that life is pretty good even without a partner, someone will walk into your life. They'll see what a special and unique person you are and want to spend every waking minute of their life with you and you'll want to do the same with them. You'll be surprised that you got the relationship you always wanted without ever asking for it and all of those "ones that got away" will seem laughably ill-suited to you by comparison. You'll have found your perfect companion.
And all of those things I said three paragraphs ago will still apply. You'll have less time, less money, and you'll be emotionally invested in this other person. Perhaps the only relief is that if they're truly right for you, you won't have to worry about them breaking up with you-- but it's been known to happen! You'll see it all as one big tradeoff and your inner peace will come from the fact that if your relationship ends, you'll know that you suddenly again have all the time and resources you need to seek the self-improvement that got you to where you are and you're ready to do it all over again. Or not, because maybe you're content to live life for yourself.
I know the above advice is kind of generic and you're still reeling from the rejection, but try to absorb it. Instead of lying down on some railroad tracks, jump right on the self-improvement train and do something today to make yourself a better person entirely for your own sake. Work out, read a book, learn to play an instrument, study science, write something, learn a new language, take up a craft, etc. Force yourself out of your rut even if you have to drag your feet and your mood will lift in no time and you'll be amazed at how much better life feels.
Pre-submission edit: While previewing my comment, I noticed you've written a new post. In it, you say:
Mugg wrote:
Right now I wish it wasn't the weekend. I'm probably going to sit here and do nothing until it's monday and I can get another chance at talking to that girl, for better or worse.
That's exactly what you shouldn't do! Be THANKFUL that it's the weekend! You've got all this free time to explore your own life and your own interests! Jump on that horse, make yourself a better person, and discover for yourself that there is so much more to life than love!
I think that it takes a lonely person to understand another (a sentiment I have expressed before). Unfortunately, understanding does not bring easy solutions. Or any solutions at all, so I'm sorry that just can't wave a magic wand and solve your problems. If I could, I would solve mine.
As a person who has lived 20 years alone (since I went to university), and will in all likelihood live alone for the rest of his life... what can I say? I suppose all I can say is that I understand how much it sucks. I understand from personal experience. Of course that doesn't help you, nor me, but there it is.
Living alone is not technically speaking a bad thing. You can do whatever you want, go wherever you want, for as long as you want, without having to report your every single movement to someone, and without someone nagging you about your hobbies, or how much time you spent doing something they don't participate in, or how you don't take into account their feelings, or things like that. It's also much, much, much cheaper to live alone. Even with a very small salary you can afford things you wouldn't necessarily if you were a family person. Because there aren't many expenses when you live alone.
That's the theory. In practice it's not that simple. That's because we have this brain of ours, which is hard-wired to be social, and to need social interactions and contacts, and which starts getting all kinds of negative symptoms when there's a long-lasting lack of them. It starts getting depressed, pessimistic, unenthusiastic, lazy, and so on. Even without actual clinical depression, it can resemble it quite a lot.
I suppose I could recommend that you don't just give up. Chronic loneliness is not something that just has to be. It might end as suddenly as it began, the moment you don't even expect. You may well get lucky. After all, even most introverted anti-social people get a partner eventually. Most of them at least.
Until that, find a hobby that involves other people in some manner. Not to find new acquaintances, but just be with people on a semi-regular basis. It helps a bit. It really does. Even if it doesn't lead to any romantic relationships, it still helps. It's that hard-wired brain of ours which needs it, so you have to supply it with social interaction, of any kind.
For me that hobby is currently Magic the Gathering. If you haven't tried it, try it sometime. It's fun.
Or try something else. Like tabletop roleplaying. Or chess. Or go. Something. You'll probably find something you enjoy.
Another thing, in addition to that, is to try a gym. Not to meet people, but to increase your fitness. It's good for you. Of course something like this isn't for everybody, but with the right setting you might find yourself going there regularly. (It helps if you have to physically travel to a gym that's some distance away from your home. As long as you can get your ass there every day, you'll have much more incentive to exercise. The only thing you have to force yourself to do is to start walking there.) And remember to eat properly if you start that.
I might sound stupid, but have you tried to read philosophical novels? Specifically, I would recommend you to read "Der Steppenwolf" by Hermann Hesse, since it's about someone that feels isolated from everyone around him. I tell you this because sometimes feeling connected with a character can put you in a thoughtful state, and in such a way, find a solution about it. (And since you are german, you will be able to read it on original language, and that's plain amazing)
EDIT: I also add Nietzsche and his Also sprach Zarathustra: you might feel very related to his ideals and be enlightened by him, or just plain hate him; either way, you will gain knowledge and understanding of your world, and so on, more options.
Joined: 11/13/2006
Posts: 2792
Location: Northern California
There's no appeal in living alone. I would rather have and lose a thousand friends before I die than spend the rest of my life in solitude. I'm at least a fifth of the way there by now, I might as well go all the way.
Perhaps this is a cynical viewpoint, but there is no worth in someone who plays you for a fool and leaves you to wither away by yourself. Sever ties, move on. She's not worth loving, but others are. You just have to find the diamonds in the rough, no matter how long it takes and no matter how many tries it takes. Eternal solitude is something you bring to yourself, it is not forced upon you by the world. You choose to stay alone, whether intentionally or without realizing it.
"But what of the people who've left me behind?" Fuck them. Anyone who leaves you was never worth having as a friend in the first place. They're not worth the effort of hating them. They're not even worth the effort of thinking about them. You may be left with no one in the world at some point, but there will always be someone out there waiting to find you, and I can say this with certainty as I have been in this situation myself. I've been abandoned, left in the dust by people who wanted nothing more to do with me, and yet here I am, having found a new place to call home, able to live (mostly) happily and love someone more than I've ever loved before. I've lost count of how many times this has happened to me, and subsequently I've lost count of how many times I've come out of it alive and well.
Life is worth living because there is so much of it to live. There are endless opportunities, endless possibilities, a million potential friends and lovers you can meet at any time. One may have failed you, but she was merely just an option in a boundless sea of choices. If you can't find someone, someone will find you, and that's something I can guarantee.
TASvideos Admin and acting Senior Judge 💙 | CohostwarmCabin wrote:
You shouldn't need a degree in computer science to get into this hobby.
If there is just one piece of advice I would like you to take to heart it's that you should live for yourself.
That is what I don't want to do. I don't want to be alone. I want to live to help and cheer up others, and to be loved back.
I think that everyone has a deep-seated fear that they'll never find that special someone and they'll go through life alone. While some people may have strong cultural reasons for feeling that way (e.g., they're pressured to produce grandchildren), I think if most of us step back and ask ourselves why we're so caught up in finding a mate, we'd realize how stupid the whole endeavor is.
I can see everyone is successful, but I on other hand am not. I barely made it through school, barely made it through internship and now I'm in therapy. I see time pass by, I'm getting older and older. I hate my own birthdays. I'm still not where I want to be.
Being in a less-than-perfect relationship sucks. It exposes yourself emotionally, puts a strain on your finances, takes a tremendous amount of time and effort, and you'll likely come to the realization that the person you're with just isn't right for you,
I don't even really care if she is the right one for me or not.
What really hurts me is that she basicly told me I'm not even a friend to her, I'm just an acquaintance and we will never see each other again. I bought her something for the christmas occasion, but now I cannot give it to her anymore.
She just toyed with me. She touched me and smiled, but only to entertain herself and have a good time but nothing more. All this time I thought of her as a friend, but now I don't even know what friendship even means. People that I think of as friends, I'm not even important to them. And if this realization hurts so much, why should I even make new friends in the future. And people that are worried about me - why should I care about them, because they will leave me too sooner or later.
Really, since yesterday I feel so empty and hopeless. People come and go from my life but nothing lasts. Nothing. Only thing that lasts is pain and sorrow.
Being single is actually pretty cool! You get a lot of free time to do whatever you want, you never have to compromise,
But I don't have a life. I don't have anywhere to be. I have always been on the PC doing TASing/speedruns/scripting/nonsense just to pass the time and as a hobby. But I don't have the motivation for that anymore. So basicly I'm just sitting here at home doing nothing except wait for next week.
Go to the gym because you want to be stronger. Study an unusual subject because you want to be more learned. Travel the world because you want to experience other cultures. Take up a craft or hobby because you want to create things for yourself.
No, why bother. I don't care to do all that.
Then, just as my message is starting to sink in and you realize that life is pretty good even without a partner, someone will walk into your life. They'll see what a special and unique person you are and want to spend every waking minute of their life with you and you'll want to do the same with them. You'll be surprised that you got the relationship you always wanted without ever asking for it and all of those "ones that got away" will seem laughably ill-suited to you by comparison. You'll have found your perfect companion.
Maybe. If that was true. But I might as well become 30, 40 and older and not find a person but instead become a loner who is a half broken gear wheel in the society. Right now I will just go on for the heck of it, but this will not rid me off depressions like what I had yesterday.
self-improvement (...) because maybe you're content to live life for yourself.
I can't.
I know the above advice is kind of generic and you're still reeling from the rejection, but try to absorb it. Instead of lying down on some railroad tracks, jump right on the self-improvement train and do something today to make yourself a better person entirely for your own sake. Work out, read a book, learn to play an instrument, study science, write something, learn a new language, take up a craft, etc. Force yourself out of your rut even if you have to drag your feet and your mood will lift in no time and you'll be amazed at how much better life feels.
I think what you wrote sounds really motivating but I just can't. If anything, I might clean up my room because I got nothing better to do this weekend.
Living alone is not technically speaking a bad thing. You can do whatever you want, go wherever you want, for as long as you want, without having to report your every single movement to someone, and without someone nagging you about your hobbies, or how much time you spent doing something they don't participate in, or how you don't take into account their feelings, or things like that.
But since my life is empty, all I've been able to do alone was sitting somewhere alone and looking into the nothingness. Or walking. And listening to the sound of wind in the trees, forever. It makes me feel like I'm on the verge of death.
I'm not alright. I think I'm doing those things because I want to see if others care, if others will come and ask if they can help me. But nobody did that.
I suppose I could recommend that you don't just give up. Chronic loneliness is not something that just has to be. It might end as suddenly as it began, the moment you don't even expect. You may well get lucky. After all, even most introverted anti-social people get a partner eventually. Most of them at least.
Yeah, I guess so. I will go on just so that I can see what happens next.
Right now I just need time to heal my disappointments/depression. The thing is, if this kind of thing happens when I'm attending my computer science school (and that has happened, multiple times in the past) then things get very critical and stressful, to a point where I feel like I might just give up - but then all those expenses (rent, food, heating, etc.) have been for nothing. And all that time was wasted. And I'm still alone.
Until that, find a hobby that involves other people in some manner. Not to find new acquaintances, but just be with people on a semi-regular basis. It helps a bit. It really does. Even if it doesn't lead to any romantic relationships, it still helps. It's that hard-wired brain of ours which needs it, so you have to supply it with social interaction, of any kind.
We work on it, that's one of the reasons I'm in the therapy right now.
The thing is that it doesn't sound very promising. I will meet some people there and they will 'come and go', too, and I could go on and say, to them I'm not important either. So why bother pursuing such a hobby?
Another thing, in addition to that, is to try a gym. Not to meet people, but to increase your fitness. It's good for you.
Yes, that has also already been in consideration. It is difficult to have the self discipline to keep at it, though.
"But what of the people who've left me behind?" Fuck them. Anyone who leaves you was never worth having as a friend in the first place.
It is hard to let it go. We had so much fun together. I really thought of that person as a friend.
It takes time to understand what happened.
They're not worth the effort of hating them.
They're not even worth the effort of thinking about them.
I don't know, maybe.
But I will remember them for a while.
Life is worth living because there is so much of it to live. There are endless opportunities, endless possibilities, a million potential friends and lovers you can meet at any time. One may have failed you, but she was merely just an option in a boundless sea of choices. If you can't find someone, someone will find you, and that's something I can guarantee.
But I don't care. I don't care to explore what I'm not interested in.
And I don't think of her as a choice...
It's weird how it works in the world, but if you have some absolute wish that occupies all your heart (usually not without a reason), you'll never get it. If you just need some emotions from having friends or a girlfriend, you're not getting them, because that way emotions become more important, and people start thinking they are friends with you not "just because", for the sake of it (how it's supposed to happen naturally, there's no reason for friendship, it is just there, or it is not), but to satisfy some of your personal hidden needs. I'm not saying you must stop having those needs, I'm just saying how people take them.
Why is it so? Because it becomes a weakness, and being friends to satisfy someone's weakness is what people don't want/like to do, because it looks to them they're giving much but getting nothing meaningful. It requires dealing with one's hard aspects together.
How do you change people's minds? It's like with helping in some other complicated spheres - you should make your weakness your target and start spending efforts on fighting it. Because after all, it gives nothing you you either, it just takes away. And after some time, when you have some success in fighting the thing that's way more important for you than in-game lag or sloppiness, you will start feeling more filled, less empty, ideally, you must feel like you are your best friend. It is some special social strength that people are attracted to! People start getting interested in having contact with you, just because they don't know how it all works and they (frankly) are ready to get part of your strength or happiness even if they have nothing to give you back.
Only then you get a chance of meeting a person who also has the same approach in life, and doesn't have problems with dealing with your weaknesses, but since you already started fighting them, doing that together will be more productive.
How does one fight these weaknesses? I dunno, when you have such a goal, you just use absolutely every aspect of your life to seek its roots in yourself and destroy them.
Now, why should you go through all of this? Everyone should, people just have varied timing in these things, some start having these problems earlier, some start having them later. If you have them early, you have a chance to become an expert in that stuff when other people only start having such weaknesses.
On the other hand, there are people that are okay with being parasites, which means they will use your weaknesses to kill you for their own fun. Lies is the best detector. Whoever lies to you, has no respect for you, and should be got rid of asap.
Warning: When making decisions, I try to collect as much data as possible before actually deciding. I try to abstract away and see the principles behind real world events and people's opinions. I try to generalize them and turn into something clear and reusable. I hate depending on unpredictable and having to make lottery guesses. Any problem can be solved by systems thinking and acting.
There's a lot to reply to here and I've decided to rearrange some of your responses so that this post "flows" better.
MUGG wrote:
All this time I thought of her as a friend, but now I don't even know what friendship even means.
That's pretty funny considering that your profile picture is Scootaloo half the time. I mean, it's the second line of the theme song!MUGG wrote:
She just toyed with me. She touched me and smiled, but only to entertain herself and have a good time but nothing more.
I know people are beating this point to death, but she was wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong! It's good that you recognize that she was acting selfishly and what she did was needlessly cruel.
MUGG wrote:
And I don't think of her as a choice...
But she is a choice. I don't know what your views on relationships are, but if you think feel that everyone out there has just "one true soulmate", it would be a good idea to abandon that notion. Even when you find someone to spend your life with, you'll inevitably find little "flaws" that make you wonder about how your life would be different if you had someone else. Maybe you don't enjoy the same TV shows or maybe they have a nervous habit that drives you crazy. Or maybe you know they're perfect for you but you just imagine the same person with slightly different traits-- a little taller, more active, a slightly different sense of humor. That doesn't mean they aren't right for you, it just means that you recognize that you have dozens, hundreds, thousands of choices of people you can partner with. If you have the right attitude, it will make your relationship all the more special that you chose that person.
MUGG wrote:
Right now I just need time to heal my disappointments/depression.
MUGG wrote:
But I will remember them for a while.
It's very healthy of you to acknowledge that you need time. A lot of people here (myself included) are urging you to go out and enjoy life for yourself, but I think we all would acknowledge that your mood isn't going to change overnight. However, time alone isn't going to make you feel better and you really need both pieces-- time and effort-- to get yourself out of the hole. Since you already know you need time, you're halfway there!
MUGG wrote:
But I don't have a life. I don't have anywhere to be. I have always been on the PC doing TASing/speedruns/scripting/nonsense just to pass the time and as a hobby. But I don't have the motivation for that anymore. So basicly I'm just sitting here at home doing nothing except wait for next week.
MUGG wrote:
I can't.
You can! Ask yourself where your shackles are coming from. They're all internal. No one will tell you it's easy, but you absolutely have control over your immediate actions. As soon as you read this text, I want you to pick yourself up off your chair, get on the ground, and do some push-ups. I bet you can't do 20 of them!
Did you do it? Great! You could! And you did! You didn't even have to leave your room and you can do it again or you can move on to something else that will make you happy.
Did you not do it? That's okay! It was just a goofy exercise and we'll keep trying to find something that clicks for you.
Another way to approach this is to ask yourself what you last did that made you happy. It could have been going to the movies or riding a bike or sculpting something out of clay. Did it make you happy 20 years ago when you flew a kite? Awesome! Go buy a kite and do it again!
MUGG wrote:
Yes, that has also already been in consideration. It is difficult to have the self discipline to keep at it, though.
It's great that you're already thinking about going to the gym. We all have times when we feel lazy and unaccomplished but when you're battling depression is the most important time to force yourself out of your comfort zone and get something done. Try to acknowledge how much you don't want to do it, then use that as motivation to do it regardless. Your reluctance to go to the gym or do anything else isn't because you specifically don't like the gym, it's just a symptom of your depression. Take control of things and force yourself to do it because you know you hate your depression far more than you hate the gym.
MUGG wrote:
I think what you wrote sounds really motivating but I just can't. If anything, I might clean up my room because I got nothing better to do this weekend.
That is a great start! I know it doesn't seem like much, but just because it's a basic chore doesn't mean that it's not a valid way of staying active and improving yourself. Put on somemusicthatyoulike and devote just one hour to cleaning up your room-- maybe even just a corner of it. You'll be amazed at how much you can accomplish!
MUGG wrote:
That is what I don't want to do. I don't want to be alone. I want to live to help and cheer up others, and to be loved back.
MUGG wrote:
I think I'm doing those things because I want to see if others care, if others will come and ask if they can help me. But nobody did that.
Hogwash! We're doing that! We all want you to be happy and thrive and succeed and we're all 100% behind you! You're not alone, you can help and cheer us up, and we love you right back!
I realize that the internet feels very anonymous. Maybe what I'm typing seems like it's just a wall of text and you have a hard time understanding that there's someone halfway around the world at a keyboard. I assure you, however, that you are more real to me than a lot of people I've met face to face.
MUGG wrote:
I can see everyone is successful, but I on other hand am not. I barely made it through school, barely made it through internship and now I'm in therapy. I see time pass by, I'm getting older and older. I hate my own birthdays. I'm still not where I want to be.
This is one of the most valuable things you wrote, since it contextualizes a lot of your situation. I'm right there with you, man. I underperformed in college, I'm inexperienced, and I'm terribly underemployed despite being moderately talented. I know what you're going through. The sad fact is that a lot of people our age are struggling with the same exact things and society is stifling our voices. Our parents' generation says we're unmotivated and our peers all seem to be happy and successful, so we worry that if we tell people how unhappy we are and that we feel like we're drowning, we'll just be told to quit complaining and just push ourselves further. If you pull back the curtain a little bit, however, you'll see that your "successful" friends are working long hours, underpaid, grappling with personal problems, and many of them will fizzle out at some point. Frankly, social and economic situations have made this one of the most psychologically damaging times to be alive, in my opinion. It's one thing to struggle but another thing entirely to be told you're not allowed to complain about it.
Since I'm going through the same thing, I don't have an easy answer for you except to reiterate that you should seek to better yourself. A lot of your post speaks of external validation. A woman rejected you. You want others to like you. You barely made it through school. Your parents want you to move out. These are all instances of other people judging you and you in turn are looking to them to make you happy. They can't and they won't, but you can, you will, and if you did those 20 push-ups, you did! Ultimately, no one's praise or accolades will ever make you happy. True happiness comes from within and you can achieve it without being a straight A student, earning a lot of money, having a lot of friends, or having someone to love. I'm currently working on a major project in which I produce educational YouTube videos. I'm cautiously optimistic, but ultimately, I don't expect they'll bring me fame or fortune. It's just something that I need to get out of my system. Find that itch you need to scratch, that one project that you've been meaning to do that lights a fire within you. Pour your heart into it and success will follow.
This is just a way how I tend to interract with people, not really straightforward but not that cryptic neither:
I've also experienced many situations similar to this. Also when I was still in a high school I used to be a "bucket" for girls and I listened to their issues but in the end I was just being used. Life I had with my family wasn't going quite well back then and I got quite suicidal for many years and I separated myself from everyone. I wouldn't change even a second of my life away because the route I've lived through has been the best experience I've ever had. Hardships can also be a new start for something new. That's why I tend to inspect, test people in a positive way, be more cautious and be more rational with different kind of people. I sometimes also long for some deep friendships. I'm introvert but highly social with people. I have a one good friend I see extremely rarely and other one is my classmate from college but he's sometimes hard to catch and keep up with because he has a hypomania. He might shut himself for months and won't even talk anything.
Nowadays I just accept who I am and I feel really good pretty much everyday. I'm not really interested in money even I have a job and I have no urge to pump my status at all. I like arts and I usually laught at my own ideas when I find something random I might try on my drawings. I work as a mentor in a middle school where I can be the original me. I tend to cycle a lot all around places just for fun. That's pretty much my life and I've nothing else included in it at the moment, yet I feel proud. It's also interesting I feel negative emotions extremely rarely because I only seek for possibilites and the way out of things.
I bet the love is the thing that sums all of the life of people inside a one word. It's full of ups and downs. It makes you to feel extremely sensitive and good about things but it might hit you really hard sometimes. You'll just have to overcome it somehow. The answer is something you'll have to look for yourself. We can share our emotions and experiences with you. But the answer you're looking for is something you should find by yourself.
There's always a place for people. Sometimes even the easiest things in life becomes so rare and hard to reach that you feel like you've hit the bottom of the void in this vast universe of ours. Also, feel free to shoot me a message and let's listen to some nice music.
Joined: 10/12/2011
Posts: 6336
Location: The land down under.
Love is honestly (in my opinion) the most evil feeling that could ever exist. It's the biggest feeling that can be a traitor to you if you don't think straight. You want to put out your other feelings and emotions out, you don't want to go poo brain, or listen to the heart.
Personally, I too am suffering, I actually just went through another one where my heart wouldn't shut up, but I knew that the person didn't care for me, so I straight up asked them if I can be their boyfriend, just so I can stop feeling this happy sensation.
You should honestly stay alive, ending your life is not a thing you should do, your parents created you for the purpose on creating a new life, another life with someone else, you just need to find the soulmate, it's evil, it's hard but it's not impossible, one day it will be worth it, just keep fighting for it, but seriously, think with the head not the heart, the feeling Love, is only there to destroy.
Love is an evil battle, but don't end your life over something that's meant to take time. Keep fighting, never surrender.
I know out of everyone, I probably gave the worst reasons, but ending your life 'cause Love is just something that's bullshit isn't an excuse. Love is there, you will find it, it will find you, you do have the chance, don't give up.
WebNations/Sabih wrote:
+fsvgm777 never censoring anything.
Disables Comments and Ratings for the YouTube account.Something better for yourself and also others.
I'm not going to reply quote by quote anymore, it's not very productive for this discussion I think.
But instead I'm going to post some more thoughts:
- If there is friendship, then why does it need to stop suddenly?
Why did this girl do all fun things with me, invite me and trade phone numbers and at one point tell me that I could drop by her house whenever, only to follow up with "you're not a friend, just someone I know"?
I feel like she toyed with me and I'm not really important to her.
Does this count as lying, feos?
- @ "She is just one fish in a sea of other fish" or "one choice out of many":
I don't agree with those, because I don't want to think of people as choices.
People are irreplaceable. I will never meet someone like her again, maybe someone similar but never this dark haired, tall, funny, cheerful and crazy girl the way she was.
- @ Bobo's push ups:
I did not do it because the room is messy. I have already cleaned up the room some, today, but it will take a lot more to clean it completely.
What made me happy last? Playing ping pong in the hospital (where I have met people and that girl to begin with).
I'm probably going to do it again but it is not something that fills my life with happiness alone.
As for other things that make me happy:
Being at the amusement park (I have not been there in years and I would not go alone)
Playing soccer sometimes makes me happy, but I have nobody to play with
Generally being part of something, or playing with other people or discussing, makes me happy because it gives me social recognition.
- I don't have a strong urge to do anything. I should probably move out of my parents' place, I should probably go to the gym, I should probably go do exercises, clean my room etc. but I'm not doing it because I just don't want to.
I can do those things later. Maybe I don't really need to do those things*. I'm not getting anything back for doing it. And I'm waiting for the therapists to tell me what to do/give me tasks, so it feels more like I'm accomplishing something (that sounds odd but I click that way).
* Just like how I think I don't need to do that comic project I've been planning on doing for quite a while but never got around to doing, because it's way too much work.
Hogwash! We're doing that! We all want you to be happy and thrive and succeed and we're all 100% behind you! You're not alone, you can help and cheer us up, and we love you right back!
Yes, you are helping me. But none of the people at the hospital. None of the other friends I made there. And not the girl. They may be worried but they did nothing to help, maybe because they don't know how or they didn't understand me. I guess...
Thanks Bobo, for your inspiring and encouraging words.
I want to thank everyone for the help. It means very much.
- I never planned to get myself killed, even if I might have suggested it. Sorry if this has worried or bothered people.
It is easy for me to write or say something like that when I'm in a depressing situation.
Guile, the worst kind of lie. It can be tolerated when one calls black white about daily routine things, but not when people are treated as such things and manipulated accordingly.
Warning: When making decisions, I try to collect as much data as possible before actually deciding. I try to abstract away and see the principles behind real world events and people's opinions. I try to generalize them and turn into something clear and reusable. I hate depending on unpredictable and having to make lottery guesses. Any problem can be solved by systems thinking and acting.
I will meet some people there and they will 'come and go', too, and I could go on and say, to them I'm not important either. So why bother pursuing such a hobby?
Firstly, because it's fun. And secondly, because without social interactions (of any kind) you'll go crazy, in the long run.
It doesn't matter if people just come and go. It doesn't matter if you don't develop any lasting relationships (platonic or otherwise). Those would be a nice bonus, of course, but they are not the crucial thing. The important thing is to simply be in social interactions with people, even if they are just semi-acquaintances or even strangers. A hobby you like is the perfect way to do this.
I suggested a few possibilities you could try, if you haven't tried them before: A trading card game (such as Magic the Gathering), some board game (eg. some very advanced one, like Warhammer), tabletop roleplaying, chess, go, or something similar. Or, if you are up to it, some kind of group sport (like volleyball or the like).
Believe me, it's not impossible. You will probably not easily find a person who suffers from chronic loneliness worse than me, but I get my weekly dose of social interaction with MtG sessions on saturdays. Pretty pathetic, really, but it's better than nothing at all. Besides, it's fun. (I could also try go and chess, but there aren't any clubs near where I live, believe or not.)
Joined: 12/8/2012
Posts: 706
Location: Missouri, USA
MUGG, first off, I want to say that I emphasize with you here: In terms of losing both female friendships and potential female relationships, I've been down both roads.
A wounded heart often grieves more than a wounded body.
Brother, you are in my thoughts right now, and will also be in my prayers. I realize those of us in our community are separated from you by both countries and oceans, but we're always just a log-in away.
"But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him." - 1 Corinthians 2:9
germany is a small country and has an active fighting game community,so you might want to participate in one of those gatherings and tournaments if you enjoy the genre.Sorry if i'm being so practical about getting you out of the house doing something but i believe nothing more indirect like having a self help textbook in the thread would help you.Get something practical done and maybe you'll feel good about yourself.BTW,don't move out if you can't easily afford it,it costs a lot of money more to live by yourself and you might feel even lonelier.
i just noticed you like soccer,so you can go to the local club or field and play with some random people.
TAS i'm interested:
megaman series: mmbn1 all chips, mmx3 any% psx glitched
fighting games with speed goals in general
Someone I thought of as a good friend (or even more than that) touched me in the face and on the shoulder several times, smiled at me, drank from my bottle and invited me to do something on saturday. But then told me I'm not even a friend, just an acquaintance.
Maybe she's just testing you, to see how you handle rejection, to see how stable you can be without her. Have you thought about that?
But that's life. Rejections are most likely going to happen for everyone, so what you're experiencing sounds pretty normal.
Spikestuff wrote:
Love is honestly (in my opinion) the most evil feeling that could ever exist. It's the biggest feeling that can be a traitor to you if you don't think straight.
"Question: What is love? Answer: The same as hate if you're not careful.": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eMgT6bsajd4
It's a double-edged sword. It can make you feel like you're in heaven, but it can also make you feel like you're in hell.
Mugg, you're a much smarter guy than that. In one way or another, people always get out of this situation.
MOD EDIT: this is the only halfway decent part of that post
