Hi! My name is Noah Tomlin, also known as theenglishman, but I'm Canadian. Don't ask. I'm a longtime member/lurker in the forums but a rather inexperienced TASer here. I'm currently working on obsoleting my one published run, 'Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time' for the GameBoy Advance.

About me

Well, my real name is Noah Tomlin. I live in Toronto. I'm 22 years old and about to finish my degree at Trent University.
Interests: Movies, books, video games, music, editorial journalism. I play the clarinet, piano, guitar (starting) and some percussion. I speak bits and pieces of Hebrew, Latin, Mandarin and French. I enjoy TASing, writing screenplays and doing editorial pieces for the hell of it.
I stumbled upon TASvideos through Speed Demos Archive. I remember watching Morimoto's old SMB3 run a few years before and thinking nothing of it, until I found this site (back when it was still called NESvideos). I've been hooked ever since!
Believe it or not, I used to be good friends with (and go to the same school as) SuperSonic101 over at The Sonic Center. In fact, he introduced me to the speedrunning community in the first place.

Current Run - Metal Gear Solid (postponed due to emulation issues)

Published Run

Godawful Fanfic: What Not to Write

I did not change any of this. All of these English abominations are ripped directly from actual fanfiction. The following are basic grammar rules that some fanfic writers don't seem to...you know...comprehend.

In general your sentences should make sense

It started to rain but I didn't really care because I didn't have a house.

But I thought you passed gas on me...oh, you made a PASS?

“Did you just fart baby, because you just blew me away,” Harry said flirtatiously.

Rule 34.5: Never make up cuss-word combinations for your porn

“Oh bloody Merlin fucking ass!” Harry said.

May I suggest correcting this for you?

I woke up and I noticed my head still hurts. I slowly start to open my eyes and when I did so, they flew open in an instant. I was in a beautiful pink coloured room. It was so big, on the walls there were some pictures of flowers and animals. It was so beautiful that I lost myself in that room.
After about 30 seconds of proofreading and editing, here's how it should read (corrections bolded for emphasis):
I woke up and I noticed my head still hurt. My eyes flew open in an instant. I was in a beautiful, pink-coloured room. It was enormous! There were pictures of flowers and animals on the walls. A girl could get lost in there.

Personally, I don't find Coronation Street to be masturbation-worthy

When he arrived Pete leapt over the desk and kissed Clark on both cheeks and knelt down and even kissed Clarks shining black shoes. "hello pet" said Clark in his brand-new northern English accent (which he had adopted from masturbating over Deirdre in Coronation street for a month) and sat down, emptying is make-up onto his desk, with Pete kneeling next to him watching and learning from his super master.

Oy vey iz mir, would you stop KVETCHING already?

Title: HarryPotter and the 12 Legandery Worriers

Every time you see a grammatical or spelling error, take a drink

years later of the most dangeros situation of N.Y the ghostbusters destroy an historical picture of vigo dana and peter now love more, Egon are the boyfriend of Jaine and ray and winstone no have nothing new bud gozer back to toast N.Y.

Proving that Kingdom Hearts fanficers have worse English than Kingdom Hearts fanboys

"Oh, yes, give it to me, big boy!" he yelled, not caring who heard. Hercules grunted in response.
"Oh god," Cloud moaned, to which Hercules lifted his head in attention.
"No, no," Cloud murmured breathlessly, "continue, please." And Cloud lightly swiped his small pink tongue across Hercules' swirly chin.
"Oh, you like that, huh?" grinned Hercules, showing teeth. "Let me show you what my demi-god can do."
Uh.......yeah. Just take that demi-god somewhere else, thanks


"JTA, AWAY!!!!!!!" as the gang threw their left hands in the air and high fived each other before taking of to save Milwaukee and their new/homeplanet unaware that the evil Lex Delvecchio was watching them.

What awful stereotype are you trying to portray here? Babies or Chinese?

Placing an enlarged, nipple baby bottle on her tray, Amy cooed, "Here babykins, drink this while Mommy gets your din-din."
Diane looked at the baby bottle and knocked it off the tray. "No." she cried out. "Me am big giwl. Me no want ba-bee ba-ba. Me want gwass."
Crossing her arms, Amy stated, "No. You're much to young to drink from a glass. You'll spill it all over yourself." Picking up the bottle from the floor, Amy said, "Drink from ba-ba."
"No!" cried Diane, banging her feet against the footrest. "Me want gwass!"
As an addendum, I'm not trying to be racist; I'm simply trying to show how this godawful fanfic can be taken the wrong way.

Every single Fanfic ever created summed up in six sentences (which should have been nine)

i really like you baby,said Harry to cho.suddenly malfoy came upCho is my girl he said,chosaid no i like harry.harry said ill fight you for her.harry won.then they celebrated by kissing all over.harry especially kissed her on her breasts and her bellybutton they had lots of sex.

I want whatever Hermione's using in this one

Hermione scowled at the bustling station, her dark lined eyes throwing not only daggers, but ninja stars and jack knives as well.

Triple-crossovers fail. Also, if you have ADD, don't write subplots in your fanf - wait was that a balloon??

Suddenly Harry heard a humming sound coming from behind Sephiroth. The taller boy turned, to see another guy standing behind him, looking calm and holding a laser sword at his throat.
" Rude!" Sephiroth screamed, " How could you let his happen?" Rude shrugged.
" I was eating my hot dog!" he said, " You made us miss dinner."
" Yeah," Reno said, letting go of one of Harry’s arms, " I’m hungry! This is unfair labor!"
Harry yanked his arm out of the other boy’s hand and retreated into the crowd.
" Reno, you idiot," Tseng barked, " He’s getting away!"
" I don’t care!" Reno cried, " I want a hamburger!"

Incest fetish anyone?

I’m not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he’s a major fucking hottie.

Favourite IRC quotes (neutered by erokky)

0:08 Stickie i saw penis bread the other day 0:08 Stickie like, those things you can make penis cake/bread in, and some actual penis bread 0:08 Stickie it was weird 0:08 miipasu there's.. penis cake >_> 0:08 Comicalflop are you intoxicated by any chance? 0:09 miipasu friend told me about an erotic bakery that makes those, apparently 0:09 agill Stickie is always intoxicated 0:09 Stickie erm, had a beer i drank too fast 0:09 agill mmm erotic cakes 0:09 Comicalflop thought so 0:09 Stickie asshole 0:09 Stickie :O 0:09 Comicalflop nah, just psychic 0:09 Stickie you ARE that 0:09 Stickie and a womanizer 0:09 Comicalflop I'm like Matt Parkman 0:09 Stickie tucker max 2.0 0:10 curtmack "Instead of a dugout, the waiting batsmen get a nice little house (pavilion) to wait in, where they can drink tea and eat sandwiches, or sit on the veranda and enjoy the sunshine. If it's sunny. If it's raining, or just a bit cloudy, everyone goes into the pavilion and drinks tea. Occasionally, the umpires will come out, wander around the pitch a bit, decide it's still not sunny enough, and go back in." 0:10 Comicalflop tilts head sideways 0:10 Stickie tucker flop, we shall call you
<theenglishman> BisqBot, you suck
<BisqBot> That function is not possible
<Comicalflop> adelikat is hot
<adelikat> ooh baby
<Comicalflop> can I frame advance your body?
<theenglishman> yeah well at least you don't need her for long
<stickyman05> true
<theenglishman> mind you, that section showcases the most amount of brokenness when it comes to this game
<stickyman05> oh, well, that is good
<stickyman05> at least SOMETHING entertaining came out of her suck!
<theenglishman> ...
* theenglishman rofl
<Comicalflop> YES! vampire knight ep12!
<theenglishman> Comicalflop, are you in heaven? :P
<Comicalflop> well, if they finally get it on, then yes
* Rolken has quit (Success)
<Comicalflop> except they finally danced at the ball event
<bkDJ> who?
<Comicalflop> but he kinda ruined the atmosphere
<Comicalflop> and now some big fight or something is about to happen in the woods
<Comicalflop> but yuuki was massivehot in the dress he got her
<bkDJ> wait, ff8?
<DK64_MASTER> <Raiscan> I want a fan, dammit
<DK64_MASTER> get a rectangle piece of paper
<DK64_MASTER> fold the left side in a slight amount
<DK64_MASTER> invert
<DK64_MASTER> repeat
<Raiscan> you all fail at misinterpretation
<DK64_MASTER> until paper become sufficiently thin
<DK64_MASTER> then fold in half
<DK64_MASTER> and unfurl.
<Raiscan> :-/
<blahmoomoo> ok, suicide #1... you enter a room and fall off a cliff near the beginning
Rinn is now known as NoxwissAsevenack
<theenglishman> yep
<theenglishman> the second one is after the major sequence break
<blahmoomoo> grr
<blahmoomoo> I see number two now
<NoxwissAsevenack> blahmoomoo: You should clean it up.
* TEM|Studying hands Comicalflop a yarmulke
<Comicalflop> a what?
<Comicalflop> stop handing me sex objects
<erokky>: my hair is boofy
*blahmoomoo hears crickets chirping
<miipasu>: ah sorry, those are mine

*miipasu fumbles with the crickets' cage
<theenglishman> .cl 1+1
* theenglishman cries in a corner
<Rinn> It's 2.
***andrewg_ goes to comicalflops place
Naohiro19: ...
Comicalflop: like this weekend?
andrewg_: heh, maybe
NesVideoAgent: New reply by NameSpoofer (SNES: Super Metroid Redesign (HACK)): forum/p/182162#182162
Comicalflop: you need to grab your SM64 cartridge
andrewg_: ugh, I have to work actually
Comicalflop: oh.
BagOfMagicFood: fluppsi, muppsi, and cuttuntail
andrewg_: It's funny how close we live from eachother now
Comicalflop: it's like it was meant to be.
Comicalflop: oh, andrew: picked up another mischief makers WR. you gotta jump on the bandwagon dude
andrewg_: you're really good at that
adiabatic: "Andrew and Floppy, sittin' in a tree..."
***MrSparkle left #nesvideos (quit: "http://www.mibbit.com ajax IRC Client").
Comicalflop: T. A. S. S. ing
andrewg_: T A S S I N G
andrewg_: haha
mike89 [n=Mike@] has joined #nesvideos
Comicalflop: first comes test runs
Comicalflop: then comes memory addresses
Comicalflop: then comes optimization in a baby carriage
*** Rinn joined #nesvideos
* Rinn skitters in
* Comicalflop skittles in
* miipasu milkyways
* agill meepachus
* Comicalflop nutterbutters

The Legend of PotatoPatrick - May 31st, 2008

* PotatoPatrick (n=meow2@c-69-251-36-230.hsd1.md.comcast.net) has joined #nesvideos
<PotatoPatrick> yo d00dz
<theenglishman> uh...hi!
<PotatoPatrick> i came to warn everyone about the green tea demons
* spineshark (n=spinesha@97-118-65-114.hlrn.qwest.net) has joined #nesvideos
<PotatoPatrick> and the british too i guess
<theenglishman> .................................
<PotatoPatrick> i'm not sure what the british have to do with anything
<PotatoPatrick> but i have to blame some random group of people for this!
<PotatoPatrick> but yeah
<PotatoPatrick> there are green tea demons hiding in lamps, chairs, and enviga energy drink
<PotatoPatrick> and they're trying to eat the world
<PotatoPatrick> and possess everyone
<theenglishman> b&
<theenglishman> please
<PotatoPatrick> you're an ampersan d
<PotatoPatrick> with a b on your head
<PotatoPatrick> cuz you're a hip expletive
<theenglishman> well at least I'm hip at something
<Comicalflop> lol
<theenglishman> on second thought, don't ban him
<theenglishman> I'm enjoying this
<Comicalflop> I like funny trolls. I scratch them behind the ears
<PotatoPatrick> i only came to warn about the threats to national security
<PotatoPatrick> i mean, the world is ending in 4 years anyway
<Comicalflop> awwwww, little cute fuzzy wuzzy troll
<theenglishman> You're a threat to IRC security
<PotatoPatrick> but at least they'd be a secure 4 years
<PotatoPatrick> irc security lol
<theenglishman> Comicalflop: did you see the WIP yet?
<Comicalflop> no....
<PotatoPatrick> don't h8.. i got a paper plate
<Comicalflop> I'm too busy giggling at new guy
<theenglishman> I can sympathize :)
<PotatoPatrick> i hate when people wear invisible hats
<PotatoPatrick> i get weird stares when i randomly tell 'em YO THAT'S A NICE INVISIBLE HAT
<PotatoPatrick> those meanieheads and their shiny little eyes.. no homo
<theenglishman> .cl 6161-5663
<BisqBot> 6161-5663 = 498
<PotatoPatrick> math is evil
<PotatoPatrick> and makes m e hungry
<PotatoPatrick> no homo though
<Comicalflop> can wekeep this troll?
<Comicalflop> please?
<andrewg-> potatopatrick!?
<PotatoPatrick> one time i saw a mailman that looked exactly like young dro
<Rinn> I kind of like him.
<PotatoPatrick> while i was bumping young dro - high five
* theenglishman captures PotatoPatrick and shows him off at the zoo as a troll
<PotatoPatrick> i should've given him a high five
<PotatoPatrick> what a damn msised opportunity
<andrewg-> why not?
* Rinn kisses PotatoPatrick
<PotatoPatrick> i never knew young dro was a mailman
<PotatoPatrick> then again.. i knever knew he spoke in japanese to impress people
<Comicalflop> rinn: what about me? :-(
<theenglishman> I found a picture of PotatoPatrick http://news.bbc.co.uk/nol/shared/spl/hi/pop_ups/03/entertainment_lord_of_the_rings_exhibition/img/1.jpg
<PotatoPatrick> cuz he's a real g
<andrewg-> where did you come from?
<PotatoPatrick> uhh
<theenglishman> Hell
<PotatoPatrick> the land of the potato patricks
<PotatoPatrick> d00d
<Rinn> You're just not as lovable, Flop.
<PotatoPatrick> also oftc
<PotatoPatrick> aww that's a cute photo d00d
<PotatoPatrick> no homo
* theenglishman is fed up with the troll's stench
<andrewg-> don't jump!
<andrewg-> throw em' under the bridge
<Comicalflop> awwwwww.....I've gone bright red
<PotatoPatrick> i ain't no troll b, i'm a cat
<theenglishman> a trollcat
<andrewg-> he's a witch
<Rinn> Catroll?
<andrewg-> burn him
<theenglishman> this troll is drôle imo
<PotatoPatrick> but you.. you may think you're a door, BUT THAT'S WHY WE HAVE DOORSTOPS
<andrewg-> doorknobs
<PotatoPatrick> and you may think you're a shotgun but i'd never cock you.. i'd use my claws isntead
<PotatoPatrick> no homo
<andrewg-> where?
<theenglishman> it's skim milk not homo
<PotatoPatrick> i don'rt know
<PotatoPatrick> i'm lost in a deep and sirtual timewarp
<Rinn> So am I!
<andrewg-> prove it
<Rinn> It's blue.
* BimmyLee (i=adelikat@ip24-250-238-139.ga.at.cox.net) has joined #nesvideos
<andrewg-> I believ it
<PotatoPatrick> ito's the only way i coul descape the green tea demons that are after my soul
<PotatoPatrick> or my soles
<PotatoPatrick> i dunno, i don't like wshoes anyway
<Comicalflop> why isn't moozooh here
<Comicalflop> his quotes page would be filling up
<PotatoPatrick> you're a mozart
<theenglishman> I'll send him the logs
<andrewg-> clogs
* Rinn clogs the logs
<andrewg-> with hogs
<PotatoPatrick> green tea demons keep trying to make me eat my pillow
<PotatoPatrick> this is why i now sleep on the floor
<theenglishman> ...............................
<theenglishman> !
<theenglishman> actually I call this troll on my page XD
<Comicalflop> I'm reminded of Dr. Hobo
<PotatoPatrick> ifm not a troll d66d, trolls are all green and big and like to eat really old hams
<theenglishman> Comicalflop: who?
<Comicalflop> the hobo from VG Cats.com
<PotatoPatrick> dr. hobo is a sack wearing expletive
<andrewg-> trolls are small
<theenglishman> in what way? ;)
<PotatoPatrick> only kate is allowed to wear a sack on ehr head, cuz she's a green tea demon possessed meaniehead
<PotatoPatrick> ecvetyone is plottign agaisnt me
<PotatoPatrick> cuyz they're all possessed
<theenglishman> PotatoPatrick, how the hell did you find this channel anyway?
<PotatoPatrick> but the joke's on them!
<PotatoPatrick> my invisible hat has a feather on it
<PotatoPatrick> adhadhyadhahahahah owned
<PotatoPatrick> they told me d00d
<theenglishman> did you call it Macaroni?
<PotatoPatrick> to warn you about the green tea demons
<PotatoPatrick> it's a good thing plungers have no hair!
<theenglishman> okay, this guy is officially getting on my nerves
<theenglishman> ban him
<theenglishman> now
<Rinn> I think I'm in love.
<PotatoPatrick> theenglishman: you'rwe such a dark spot that my flashlight will strip you of your dark blur
<theenglishman> uh...black holes absorb light
<theenglishman> just so you know
<andrewg-> infinity mass
<PotatoPatrick> black holes are evil
<andrewg-> ...
<Comicalflop> Bisqwit, I hope you're awake to enjoy this
<PotatoPatrick> and eat too damn much
<andrewg-> i love how people say black holes have inifinite mass
<Comicalflop> ok, I can;t TAS anymore, this guy is too funny
<Comicalflop> my rib cages are hurting from laughing
* Rinn inscribes herself within PotatoPatrick's arms
<Comicalflop> inscribe is probably not the right word
<Comicalflop> enfold?
<PotatoPatrick> ow damnit
<Rinn> I know it's not; it wasn't supposed to be.
<Rinn> It stems from a long train of logic I'd rather not explain.
* roxahris is now known as roxandAWAY
<theenglishman> wow - I did not know Rinn's gender until this very moment >_<
<PotatoPatrick> you're a gender d00d
<Comicalflop> theenglishman: you're slow
<theenglishman> that's why I'm not a good TASer
<theenglishman> XD
<PotatoPatrick> zombie plungers are almost as bad as green tea demons
<PotatoPatrick> and tbhey're so weird
<PotatoPatrick> why do people perform satanic ritujals when their damn plunger dies
<PotatoPatrick> just leti t go and bury that poor motherexpletive expletive
<PotatoPatrick> but theuy don't jhave hair so wer;'e sorta safe
<PotatoPatrick> jsut don't trust any lamp that talks to you and wasn't there before
<PotatoPatrick> i hate when lamps start talking
<theenglishman> roflmao
<theenglishman> you're right, this guy's too much
<PotatoPatrick> and the foxes
<PotatoPatrick> damn foxes
<Comicalflop> I might have to quit, to stop laughing
<PotatoPatrick> theyt shoulld all be dead.. and in boxes
<PotatoPatrick> cuz foxes are better in boxest
<theenglishman> don't, you'll miss out on all the fun!
<Comicalflop> he's dr. suess too
<PotatoPatrick> then we can all eat our benches in peace d00d..
<PotatoPatrick> and hit them with hammers
<PotatoPatrick> igdamn foxes
<PotatoPatrick> im gonan put a box bhere and a boixaj evherywhere
<theenglishman> man, this is guy is WAY more fun than Prot
<PotatoPatrick> asithose bastards
* Blublu has quit (Read error: 104 (Connection reset by peer))
<PotatoPatrick> yui're a prot
<theenglishman> lol PotatoPatrick is PP
* DarkKobold is now known as NotaPotatoPatric
<PotatoPatrick> you lyost your k d00d
<PotatoPatrick> you camn't be authentic
<theenglishman> you can't spell either
<PotatoPatrick> i have the kankerchief d00d
<PotatoPatrick> hankerchief too d00d
<theenglishman> Prince Edward Island? XD
<PotatoPatrick> i can't spell it cuz it's so atuhentic
<PotatoPatrick> but don't be sad 0d0d
<andrewg-> PP
<PotatoPatrick> have a wrench.. wrenches are happy
<PotatoPatrick> damn younguns
<theenglishman> .cl 7553-6172
* Comicalflop can;t breathe
<BisqBot> 7553-6172 = 1381
<andrewg-> lol, wrenches are happy
<andrewg-> they're always smiling
<PotatoPatrick> wihhc brings me to my point
* Comicalflop waits
<PotatoPatrick> the fox stole my socks.. it's an evil fox, they're all evil and can't be trusted
<theenglishman> shit, thanks to PP here I lost 26 frames
<PotatoPatrick> fji have dreams with elvatorsi n them
* theenglishman gives up
<Comicalflop> I'm sorry theenglishman, potato now goes in my signature and replaces you
<PotatoPatrick> elevators of hope and deepenss d00d
* andrewg- goes back to stuff
<theenglishman> boo
<theenglishman> I thought I was already replaced
<PotatoPatrick> only fxoes canht ateo n the elvators
<theenglishman> at least keep it in your IRC quotes XD
<PotatoPatrick> cuz you're suchja shingle that i went on the roof to replacwe you and fell off
<PotatoPatrick> dno't trust teh blu ladders man
<PotatoPatrick> they're damn evil
* KennyMan616 is now known as KennyManZZZ
<theenglishman> Kenny, how can you sleep through this?
<PotatoPatrick> hes a sexy lil' sailboat
<KennyManZZZ> Sleep through what
<PotatoPatrick> lookign for sails
* hanzou has quit (Connection timed out)
<KennyManZZZ> I haven't read this channel all day
<PotatoPatrick> loo akt him go d00d
<theenglishman> scroll up
<PotatoPatrick> awwwww yeah d00d!
<theenglishman> this guy's the funniest troll EVER
<PotatoPatrick> saim not a troll d00d
<KennyManZZZ> Oh
<Rinn> I liked him before it was cool!
<KennyManZZZ> I see
<PotatoPatrick> trolls are big hairy d00dz that lie under bridges yo
<KennyManZZZ> I think I've seen better trolls
<theenglishman> not funnier ones!
<KennyManZZZ> Yes
<PotatoPatrick> tehy nedd to shave!
<KennyManZZZ> Yes I have
<theenglishman> I think he caused Comicalflop to piss himself
<PotatoPatrick> go sahev syourself d00d
<Comicalflop> many times....
<PotatoPatrick> il lput you in an envelope with your little lephant feet
<PotatoPatrick> so io can mail you and stuff
<theenglishman> well your laundromat will be busy tonight that's for sure
<PotatoPatrick> athats hwat im talkign abnout d00d
<PotatoPatrick> its my damn dog's birthday
<PotatoPatrick> and he's lookign at oyur through his funny sunglasses
<PotatoPatrick> saiths what i mtalking about
<PotatoPatrick> i dont know whati m talking about g
* PotatoPatrick has quit ("bye d00d")}}
[1] As unnecessarily announced to IRC[2], mere minutes ago.
16:09:19 <NesVideoAgent> Page Theenglishman edited by theenglishman (Attention IRCers: I'm back! I'm in Nova Scotia now and right in the middle of Frosh Week.): http://tasvideos.org/Theenglishman.html
16:15:52 <NesVideoAgent> Page Theenglishman edited by upthorn (Attention theenglishman: you really didn't need to announce it to IRC until you're able to rejoin.): http://tasvideos.org/Theenglishman.html
16:16:51 <NesVideoAgent> Page Theenglishman edited by alden (We still love you though!): http://tasvideos.org/Theenglishman.html

HomePages/theenglishman last edited by admin@tasvideos.org on 1/1/2022 6:13 PM
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