The following is an attempt to give Hideo Kojima the editor he should have had. I see some true potential in Kojima's work, but his game scripts are so artificially bloated by redundancy that I felt the need to step in. Lines have been cut, sentences have been edited, and sometimes rearranged to create new thoughts altogether.
This is still a work in progress. I hope you enjoy it.
METAL GEAR SOLID game script by Hideo Kojima and Tomokazu Fukushima, original translation by Jeremy Blaustein.
FIRST BRIEFING
Campbell: It's been a long time Snake.
Snake: I should've known you were behind this, Colonel.
Campbell: That's no way to greet an old war buddy! I just invited you here to have a little talk.
Snake: Sending armed soldiers after me isn't what I'd call an invitation.
Campbell: Sorry if they were a little rough, but we've got a serious situation here. You're the only one who can get us out of it.
Snake: I'm retired from FOX-HOUND, remember? I don't take orders from you anymore, or anyone else.
Naomi: Excuse me.
Campbell: Snake, this is Dr. Naomi Hunter, gene therapist and chief of FOX-HOUND's medical staff.
Snake: Are you military?
Naomi: No, I've been sent here from ATGC. Pleasure to meet you. (prepares to inject the serum) Don't worry, this won't hurt a bit.
Snake: What's it for?
Naomi: (smiling) You don't like shots?
Campbell: Snake, listen up. Five hours ago, Next-Generation Special Forces led by members of the unit FOX-HOUND occupied Shadow Moses Island, a remote island off the coast of Alaska. They've presented Washington with a single demand, and they say that if it isn't met, they'll launch a nuclear weapon. You see, the island is the site of a secret nuclear weapons disposal facility.
Snake: FOX-HOUND hijacking a nuclear weapon? What the hell?
Campbell: Now you understand how serious this is. You'll have two mission objectives. First -
Snake: Wait, I haven't even said whether I'd accept this mission.
Campbell: Well you can make up your mind after you hear more about the situation. As I was saying, you're to rescue the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency Chief, Donald Anderson, and the president of ArmsTech, Kenneth Baker.
Snake: Those are some heavy duty hostages.
Campbell: Secondly, you're to investigate whether or not the terrorists have the ability to launch a nuclear strike, and stop them if they do. Any questions, Snake?
Snake: I should've known you were behind this, Colonel.
Campbell: That's no way to greet an old war buddy! I just invited you here to have a little talk.
Snake: Sending armed soldiers after me isn't what I'd call an invitation.
Campbell: Sorry if they were a little rough, but we've got a serious situation here. You're the only one who can get us out of it.
Snake: I'm retired from FOX-HOUND, remember? I don't take orders from you anymore, or anyone else.
Naomi: Excuse me.
Campbell: Snake, this is Dr. Naomi Hunter, gene therapist and chief of FOX-HOUND's medical staff.
Snake: Are you military?
Naomi: No, I've been sent here from ATGC. Pleasure to meet you. (prepares to inject the serum) Don't worry, this won't hurt a bit.
Snake: What's it for?
Naomi: (smiling) You don't like shots?
Campbell: Snake, listen up. Five hours ago, Next-Generation Special Forces led by members of the unit FOX-HOUND occupied Shadow Moses Island, a remote island off the coast of Alaska. They've presented Washington with a single demand, and they say that if it isn't met, they'll launch a nuclear weapon. You see, the island is the site of a secret nuclear weapons disposal facility.
Snake: FOX-HOUND hijacking a nuclear weapon? What the hell?
Campbell: Now you understand how serious this is. You'll have two mission objectives. First -
Snake: Wait, I haven't even said whether I'd accept this mission.
Campbell: Well you can make up your mind after you hear more about the situation. As I was saying, you're to rescue the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency Chief, Donald Anderson, and the president of ArmsTech, Kenneth Baker.
Snake: Those are some heavy duty hostages.
Campbell: Secondly, you're to investigate whether or not the terrorists have the ability to launch a nuclear strike, and stop them if they do. Any questions, Snake?
SHUT UP, I'M NOT DOING THE REST OF THE BRIEFING. THAT SHIT'S ALL FILLER ANYWAY.