MUGG,
I read this thread this morning and thought about it a lot today. It really resonated with some things I've been going through, so I hope you don't mind if I share my thoughts as well.
I went through something similar myself a few years ago. I was a person that would do anything for my friends and family, and then I realized I was always reaching out to them, and they would do things without telling me or inviting me along. Eventually I felt they didn't care for me, so I focused really hard on work for a few years, and neglected everything else in my life (so I completely understand having no clean space in the house to do push ups!).
Things came to a head earlier this year when I learned my teams didn't like working with me, and a manager who I had given the hardest 2 years of my life dropped me from the team without speaking a word to me about it. I felt at that time that I'd lost everything, and was extremely depressed.
I talked with some people about it, and the recommendation was similar to what people here have said: focus on building up the neglected parts of my life. I've since started running (and lost 35 lbs), started playing an instrument (Irish tin whistle), and started playing video games again (currently have a bad Fallout 3 addiction). I even cleaned up my place some, although I have a ways to go still. Since then my relationships with others have improved.
See, in the past I didn't really do that much, I would spend a weekend working on a TAS, or reading stuff on Reddit. And that's fine, but when people asked me what I did during the weekend, I didn't think they'd be interested so I'd say "not much, how about you?". Now, I can talk about where I ran, what video game I played, etc.
I think from reading your posts you may be similar in this regard, and you may not have a lot to share with others about what you're doing. My theory is that my friends and family felt I didn't trust them because I didn't share things with them (even if I really did do nothing all weekend and was fine with it). But if you trust someone and share things with them, then you can create a better relationship that moves away from acquaintance/familiarity and towards trust. Since I share what I'm doing with coworkers now, we have stronger relationships and things are better at work. I connected with an old friend a while back, and started to rebuild that relationship. I still have a lot to work on, but I have a lot more hope for the future.
So with that said, I'm not sure if this friend of yours meant what they said maliciously. I wasn't there, but in my mind it's possible she was frustrated that she felt you two were only acquaintances. Have you told her about TASing and why you enjoy it? Does she know about things you like to do on the computer? Does she know where you like to walk? Maybe you didn't trust her enough to share these things, or maybe you told her these things and she didn't express any interest (in which case I think you're better off without her). There's something called the Familiarity-Comfort-Trust model, which as I understand states that relationships fall on a continuum between familiarity and trust. You can be comfortable with someone and have a great time, but if you don't trust each other the relationship is not as strong as it could be. Maybe she wanted a better relationship and didn't feel things were progressing. But I don't know, I'm only suggesting a theory that might make sense to you. She may not be a terrible person, after all you liked her well enough. But people can be very bad at expressing themselves, so this seems like a possible interpretation given what little I know and my own experiences.
My recommendation is to prioritize the people with whom you have a trusting relationship. Relationships will come and go, but the people who trust you will continue sharing things with you if you maintain the relationship, and you can always call them and ask how the things they shared with you are going. They should feel good that you remembered and cared about them, and they should want to reciprocate and ask about you. These relationships are hard to create, but easier to maintain for long periods of time.
Also, I think it's great that you want to live for others. That's admirable in my mind. Go for it, and maybe give me some tips about it because I'd like to live that way too. But I think you do need to find other interests, and if not for yourself, then for the people you care about. Grow as a person, be someone they can learn from and share your experiences with so they can grow too. Complete the comic project and share the experience with others.
And to your comment from before about people not asking if they can help you, I think it's human nature to want to be with people who you can learn from, and we have limited time so very rarely do we reach out to people we don't have a relationship with. Maybe try to be someone that others can depend on, and don't worry if people you don't have a trusting relationship with reject you. If you trust someone, talk with them honestly about it and try to learn from it. Maybe you can try talking to this girl and clear up some of the confusion? If you don't feel you can, maybe the relationship wasn't as good as you thought.
Lastly, cleaning for an hour may be too much. Start really small, maybe clean a coffee table, or one dresser, or clean up a little trash, then reinforce in your mind the positive things - how much better it looks, how easy it was to clean, how good you feel. When I started running, I could only run for 100 yards, but I reinforced how good the wind felt on my face, and celebrated when I ran just a little farther than before. Now I can run 6 miles, and I'll try for 9 this weekend. Somehow with little steps I became a runner, and maybe next year I'll try for a marathon.
Sorry for the long post, brevity is not my strong suit. TLDR: If nothing else understand that others have been where you are, and time will make things better. Don't give up on creating relationships with others, and if they don't appreciate you then think about the future people you'll meet that will. Try to grow with little steps, and things will get better. These are just my thoughts, thanks for reading.
