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@TheHepper:
Thank you for your post.
About doing something productive during spare time, that's really difficult for me right now. Right now I'm in a hole where I'm on the PC and not really doing anything, I have nobody, I don't go anywhere, I've been blocked from facebook and I never got into WhatsApp. My phone sucks. I hate my parents. In short: I'm in a bad life situation and I hope my therapy can help me out of it. I can't really work from the point where I'm at right now. I also am really scared of the future - I'd rather not take the 3rd (and last) class of my computer science school... I've had my former classmate tell me the stuff they get taught right now. I don't want to learn Java or anything like that. I may just go into an entirely different direction in life. I don't even want such a good job, I just want to get by - and be happy of course.
So since I'm in this miserable situation, I have a really hard time going from there. If nobody invites me to do something, how am I supposed to do something. If I don't necessarily have to go to the gym, why should I go. etc. I need a reason, someone to guide me, a passion, some goal on the horizon. Without that, I can't bring myself to do anything. Why should I go to the cinema alone? Why should I go to the gym alone? etc.
This girl (who is not leaving this friday, but sometime later as I've learned), that I really like, has invited me and guided me some, so I was really thankful. It shocks me that I'm going to lose her.. She told me I should not rely on her (i.e. be so needy) but how can I do that with my current miserable situation?
So what I did now is I wrote a letter to her and gave it her. I wrote about my feelings, my worries, my situation and asked her about her true feelings for me. I will ask her soon and see if she cares or not. What's nice is that we got new company in our day hospital, two new girls. That's something hopeful, but then again I might think, they will leave at some point too so why bother bonding much?
I told the girl about TASing and such, and she told about her computer-related hobbies (animation) but we didn't get a chance at showing each other, yet...
No matter how I look at it, she is a nice person and there could have been something between us, but fate will split us and there isn't really anything I can do about it. I don't understand her very well. I don't know her intentions well. I gave her the letter and that's the best thing I could do. I think it was the best to just directly ask her, instead of playing a game of "are we in a relationship or not? why is it not progressing? what could I have done better? Does me relying on her negatively affect our bond? etc".
What I meant by "I want to live for others" is a little complex and I might have worded it badly. Basicly, I imagine if I had a circle of friends, I could tackle difficult life situations easier and that circle could become a trampoline for my fears/worries. I could have someone to talk to in times of need and I could have people to laugh with and be a cheerful person.
I don't want to go through life alone and base it on "I love myself, I do everything for myself".
With everything said, I'm a shy person. I really have a hard time facing people and starting a conversation because I fear they might react in a bad way or judge me or etc. I could probably easily and directly ask the new girls if they are single. I could totally imagine me doing that. But actually starting to talk with them is the hardest hurdle for me...
Time really does make things better. It heals wounds. But time can also be hurtful - I have to leave the hospital at some point, I have to take on the 3rd class at some point, I really regret getting older, I hate my own birthdays.. It might sound silly to write it like this but I guess this is life. There are ups and downs. Only that some downs are really deep.
@FODA:
I appreciate your advice, but I have a difficult time getting started. To take your example: I haven't ridden a bike since I was a kid, I'm in fact scared of riding on the streets and be so exposed (no driver's license yet). I can't listen to music on the go because my phone doesn't allow me to, the earplugs (plug) always comes loose. In fact, it looks like it's broken because I can't even get WLAN or call anymore even after removing and reinserting sim card and battery. The battery runs out so quickly. I've been wanting a new phone but can't afford one right now.
As for eating and taking care, I was not able to do that when I lived alone during my 1st class of computer science. I became an everyday pizza eater and the trash stacked. I didn't clean the plates. After a while I didn't even cook anymore, at all. That's why I'm in therapy, so we take a look at why that is and how I can be helped.
I don't know yet how much they can help me. I went there 5 weeks now and it's not like I worked out solutions or got tasked to do something. I just learned some life hints and philosophy (which helps) but not much more than that... And now I fear they might release me soon because they deem me "healed". After all, a patient there takes about 8 weeks on average. So I'm worried, even if everyone tells me I shouldn't be...
@Solarplex
If you want to chat, I'm sometimes on IRC (freenode #tasvideos ). And thanks for your words.
This topic has helped me so much, I'm really glad I posted about my problems here. Maybe we can't sticky it but I think maybe I will change the topic title to something general so everyone can make use of it, instead of it being a personal advice thread to me..
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I'm not going to reply quote by quote anymore, it's not very productive for this discussion I think.
But instead I'm going to post some more thoughts:
- If there is friendship, then why does it need to stop suddenly?
Why did this girl do all fun things with me, invite me and trade phone numbers and at one point tell me that I could drop by her house whenever, only to follow up with "you're not a friend, just someone I know"?
I feel like she toyed with me and I'm not really important to her.
Does this count as lying, feos?
- @ "She is just one fish in a sea of other fish" or "one choice out of many":
I don't agree with those, because I don't want to think of people as choices.
People are irreplaceable. I will never meet someone like her again, maybe someone similar but never this dark haired, tall, funny, cheerful and crazy girl the way she was.
- @ Bobo's push ups:
I did not do it because the room is messy. I have already cleaned up the room some, today, but it will take a lot more to clean it completely.
What made me happy last? Playing ping pong in the hospital (where I have met people and that girl to begin with).
I'm probably going to do it again but it is not something that fills my life with happiness alone.
As for other things that make me happy:
Being at the amusement park (I have not been there in years and I would not go alone)
Playing soccer sometimes makes me happy, but I have nobody to play with
Generally being part of something, or playing with other people or discussing, makes me happy because it gives me social recognition.
- I don't have a strong urge to do anything. I should probably move out of my parents' place, I should probably go to the gym, I should probably go do exercises, clean my room etc. but I'm not doing it because I just don't want to.
I can do those things later. Maybe I don't really need to do those things*. I'm not getting anything back for doing it. And I'm waiting for the therapists to tell me what to do/give me tasks, so it feels more like I'm accomplishing something (that sounds odd but I click that way).
* Just like how I think I don't need to do that comic project I've been planning on doing for quite a while but never got around to doing, because it's way too much work.
Hogwash! We're doing that! We all want you to be happy and thrive and succeed and we're all 100% behind you! You're not alone, you can help and cheer us up, and we love you right back!
Yes, you are helping me. But none of the people at the hospital. None of the other friends I made there. And not the girl. They may be worried but they did nothing to help, maybe because they don't know how or they didn't understand me. I guess...
Thanks Bobo, for your inspiring and encouraging words.
I want to thank everyone for the help. It means very much.
- I never planned to get myself killed, even if I might have suggested it. Sorry if this has worried or bothered people.
It is easy for me to write or say something like that when I'm in a depressing situation.
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If there is just one piece of advice I would like you to take to heart it's that you should live for yourself.
That is what I don't want to do. I don't want to be alone. I want to live to help and cheer up others, and to be loved back.
I think that everyone has a deep-seated fear that they'll never find that special someone and they'll go through life alone. While some people may have strong cultural reasons for feeling that way (e.g., they're pressured to produce grandchildren), I think if most of us step back and ask ourselves why we're so caught up in finding a mate, we'd realize how stupid the whole endeavor is.
I can see everyone is successful, but I on other hand am not. I barely made it through school, barely made it through internship and now I'm in therapy. I see time pass by, I'm getting older and older. I hate my own birthdays. I'm still not where I want to be.
Being in a less-than-perfect relationship sucks. It exposes yourself emotionally, puts a strain on your finances, takes a tremendous amount of time and effort, and you'll likely come to the realization that the person you're with just isn't right for you,
I don't even really care if she is the right one for me or not.
What really hurts me is that she basicly told me I'm not even a friend to her, I'm just an acquaintance and we will never see each other again. I bought her something for the christmas occasion, but now I cannot give it to her anymore.
She just toyed with me. She touched me and smiled, but only to entertain herself and have a good time but nothing more. All this time I thought of her as a friend, but now I don't even know what friendship even means. People that I think of as friends, I'm not even important to them. And if this realization hurts so much, why should I even make new friends in the future. And people that are worried about me - why should I care about them, because they will leave me too sooner or later.
Really, since yesterday I feel so empty and hopeless. People come and go from my life but nothing lasts. Nothing. Only thing that lasts is pain and sorrow.
Being single is actually pretty cool! You get a lot of free time to do whatever you want, you never have to compromise,
But I don't have a life. I don't have anywhere to be. I have always been on the PC doing TASing/speedruns/scripting/nonsense just to pass the time and as a hobby. But I don't have the motivation for that anymore. So basicly I'm just sitting here at home doing nothing except wait for next week.
Go to the gym because you want to be stronger. Study an unusual subject because you want to be more learned. Travel the world because you want to experience other cultures. Take up a craft or hobby because you want to create things for yourself.
No, why bother. I don't care to do all that.
Then, just as my message is starting to sink in and you realize that life is pretty good even without a partner, someone will walk into your life. They'll see what a special and unique person you are and want to spend every waking minute of their life with you and you'll want to do the same with them. You'll be surprised that you got the relationship you always wanted without ever asking for it and all of those "ones that got away" will seem laughably ill-suited to you by comparison. You'll have found your perfect companion.
Maybe. If that was true. But I might as well become 30, 40 and older and not find a person but instead become a loner who is a half broken gear wheel in the society. Right now I will just go on for the heck of it, but this will not rid me off depressions like what I had yesterday.
self-improvement (...) because maybe you're content to live life for yourself.
I can't.
I know the above advice is kind of generic and you're still reeling from the rejection, but try to absorb it. Instead of lying down on some railroad tracks, jump right on the self-improvement train and do something today to make yourself a better person entirely for your own sake. Work out, read a book, learn to play an instrument, study science, write something, learn a new language, take up a craft, etc. Force yourself out of your rut even if you have to drag your feet and your mood will lift in no time and you'll be amazed at how much better life feels.
I think what you wrote sounds really motivating but I just can't. If anything, I might clean up my room because I got nothing better to do this weekend.
Living alone is not technically speaking a bad thing. You can do whatever you want, go wherever you want, for as long as you want, without having to report your every single movement to someone, and without someone nagging you about your hobbies, or how much time you spent doing something they don't participate in, or how you don't take into account their feelings, or things like that.
But since my life is empty, all I've been able to do alone was sitting somewhere alone and looking into the nothingness. Or walking. And listening to the sound of wind in the trees, forever. It makes me feel like I'm on the verge of death.
I'm not alright. I think I'm doing those things because I want to see if others care, if others will come and ask if they can help me. But nobody did that.
I suppose I could recommend that you don't just give up. Chronic loneliness is not something that just has to be. It might end as suddenly as it began, the moment you don't even expect. You may well get lucky. After all, even most introverted anti-social people get a partner eventually. Most of them at least.
Yeah, I guess so. I will go on just so that I can see what happens next.
Right now I just need time to heal my disappointments/depression. The thing is, if this kind of thing happens when I'm attending my computer science school (and that has happened, multiple times in the past) then things get very critical and stressful, to a point where I feel like I might just give up - but then all those expenses (rent, food, heating, etc.) have been for nothing. And all that time was wasted. And I'm still alone.
Until that, find a hobby that involves other people in some manner. Not to find new acquaintances, but just be with people on a semi-regular basis. It helps a bit. It really does. Even if it doesn't lead to any romantic relationships, it still helps. It's that hard-wired brain of ours which needs it, so you have to supply it with social interaction, of any kind.
We work on it, that's one of the reasons I'm in the therapy right now.
The thing is that it doesn't sound very promising. I will meet some people there and they will 'come and go', too, and I could go on and say, to them I'm not important either. So why bother pursuing such a hobby?
Another thing, in addition to that, is to try a gym. Not to meet people, but to increase your fitness. It's good for you.
Yes, that has also already been in consideration. It is difficult to have the self discipline to keep at it, though.
"But what of the people who've left me behind?" Fuck them. Anyone who leaves you was never worth having as a friend in the first place.
It is hard to let it go. We had so much fun together. I really thought of that person as a friend.
It takes time to understand what happened.
They're not worth the effort of hating them.
They're not even worth the effort of thinking about them.
I don't know, maybe.
But I will remember them for a while.
Life is worth living because there is so much of it to live. There are endless opportunities, endless possibilities, a million potential friends and lovers you can meet at any time. One may have failed you, but she was merely just an option in a boundless sea of choices. If you can't find someone, someone will find you, and that's something I can guarantee.
But I don't care. I don't care to explore what I'm not interested in.
And I don't think of her as a choice...
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Aktan wrote:
That's an impossible question to answer as you can never know. After all everyone is different including you and everyone thinks differently. You just need to find someone compatible to you. I do know that if you don't try, you decrease the possibility of finding that person. I know getting rejected feels terrible, but learn from it. Maybe figure out what made you think there was something there. Like what signs did you miss that pointed out they weren't interested? After that, you should move on. Again there are lots of fishes in the sea!
I don't think of people that are special to me as fishes in a sea. If such a person leaves me alone (not necessarily because of lack of interest but because they have their own life to live) and tells me I'm not important to them, then it's as if that person has died. I can't just let it go. It leaves a scar.
I don't even need to be in love with her. I just want to see her sometimes or know what she is doing, but I can't even have that. She basicly told me that we are going to part ways.
I can't accept this.
I will never accept it when someone tells me friends are only people that you have a good time with until you part ways. But right now that's what this whole world is. People are trying for success, trying to get a good job, do something they love doing, to earn money. It's all about the money. And how good of an impression you make. I don't want to live in a world where people drift apart and never see each other again because of all this.
Right now I wish it wasn't the weekend. I'm probably going to sit here and do nothing until it's monday and I can get another chance at talking to that girl, for better or worse.
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I will post in this thread when I feel depressed or if I'm in a difficult life situation.
In more recent days, I'm using this thread as a diary to post about what troubles me.
Everyone is encouraged to post about their own troubles, too.
---
Why should I live
if everyone who is dear to me first treats me special but then leaves me forever.
Someone I thought of as a good friend (or even more than that) touched me in the face and on the shoulder several times, smiled at me, drank from my bottle and invited me to do something on saturday. But then told me I'm not even a friend, just an acquaintance.
Fuck this bullshit. I want to have friends, I don't want to go through the world alone. I want to have a future with a relationship and something I can look forward to. And not be left by people that give me this illusion that I'm important, when I'm not.
I don't know if I ever want to fall into love again.
In fact, I might as well go through the world alone. But then I don't even care what happens. I might as well get hit by a train tomorrow.
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Your item stat guide
https://www.dropbox.com/s/beg7ugxqc5kerqq/mlss_uj_allstats.xlsx?dl=0
doesn't tell which badges can be used by which brother in J and U. I would like this information if possible.
As for your other findings, good stuff! I'll look at it at a later time and try to add it to the script.
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Well, there doesn't seem to be a hook for the X or minimize buttons.
When clicking X, var doesn't become nil but the form window is gone. How am I supposed to detect that the window has gone if all I have is the var variable?
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In lua, when a form is opened like this
var = forms.newform(240,260,"Edit Action Commands")
then var becomes a number. You can suspend opening multiples of the same form by checking if var is not nil. And you can set var to nil at the same time you would destroy the form when clicking on a close button, so that you can create the form window again (since var is nil again).
The problem is, that you can't seem to run your own custom function when clicking on the X in the top right, in order to close the form window. Doing so will not set var to nil. So you cannot create the form window anymore if you suspend creating them if var is nil.
Phew, I hope what I wrote is understandable.
Basicly, I want to create only 1 of a same form window at a time, that's why there's all this trouble about checking if var is nil or not.
Maybe another way to look at this is, that the actual problem is that forms.destroy does not set var to nil. Maybe it should.
Also, it doesn't seem like running:
var = nil
inside the onexit codeblock works.
------
Tools > Toolbox
opening the toolbox when the Bizhawk client is on the right side of the screen makes it so that the toolbox window is offscreen and invisible to the user.
------
Opening a lua script that uses an image, then closing the script (the lua console is closed) will make it so that the image is still in use by Bizhawk, when it is really not.
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I tried to research some stuff today.
-I wanted to find an address that determines if the brothers are together or split. But I couldn't find it.
- I found some in-battle addresses for the brothers.
These seem fixed - the addresses don't change.
EWRAM
9c8e mario hp
9c94 mario bp
9c9a mario pow
9c9c mario def
9c9e mario spd
9ca0 mario stache
9bb0 mario x
9bb4 mario altitude
9bb8 mario y
-----
9dbe luigi hp
9dc4 luigi bp
9dca luigi pow
9dcc luigi def
9dce luigi spd
9dd0 luigi stache
9ce0 luigi x
9ce4 luigi altitude
9ce8 luigi y
- I found some enemy addresses too. The problem is that I barely understand how those addresses are organised. In addition, those addresses seem dynamic.
But here is what I found.
For one given enemy, the addresses have been like this:
8acc x pos (4byte)
8ad0 y pos (4byte)
8ad4 altitude (4byte)
8ad8 z pos (4byte) ?
8b34 size of shade
8b35 dont display shade if nonzero
8b40-8b6f enemy specific
8b70-8b73 triggers enemy hitstun animation
8b8c xpos of starting location (4byte)
8b90 ypos of starting location (4byte)
8b94 altitude of starting location (4byte)
8b98-8b9f pointers to rom function? Is enemy specific
8baa enemy health
8bd2-8bd3 status effects/ailments:
These are the actual flags
But I think if you edit an enemy to have the "Pow raised" flag, it doesn't actually do anything. There seem to be extra addresses that multiply def/pow.
0000 0000 0000 0001 = stunned
0000 0000 0000 0010 = ?
0000 0000 0000 0100 = ?
0000 0000 0000 1000 = ?
0000 0000 0001 0000 = ?
0000 0000 0010 0000 = ?
0000 0000 0100 0000 = ?
0000 0000 1000 0000 = ?
0000 0001 0000 0000 = fire (1)
0000 0010 0000 0000 = fire (2)
0000 0100 0000 0000 = pow raised
0000 1000 0000 0000 = pow dropped
0001 0000 0000 0000 = def raised
0010 0000 0000 0000 = def dropped
0100 0000 0000 0000 = spd raised
1000 0000 0000 0000 = spd dropped
8bd9 pow multiplier ? (1 byte)
8bb8 def?
8bba speed
8bbe pow
8bc2 number of turns this enemy has had
I need:
- address that tells an enemy's dropped items/money.
- address that tells an enemy's type (enemy ID).
- brothers' status ailments
- information on how battle order works. I only know it depends on what your or the enemies' speed is. But what exactly happens, I would be interested to know. It would be cool to make the luascript tell what is going to be the battle order.
I think I will not be able to make something like "make your own battles" or "customize". But I should be able to make a basic display of everyone's stats and make them editable.
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Two rather old MLP fan musics that I still really like. They cause sadness and stillness in me, but in a more good way than a bad way.
Link to videoLink to video
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The Cutie Re-Mark:
As for this two-parter, I already described my thoughts somewhere else and I'm not particularly interested to repeat myself. But I will have another go at it:
I liked it, I liked the song. I don't like that Starlight got reformed so quickly. That is really a terrible pattern in the show. It becomes very predictable. The next villain is going to get beaten or befriended, too... I hope they will bring some plotlines for season 6 that will not revolve around a villain, but maybe some other problem. Someone suggested that there could be political issues, impending war between races, etc. I don't know if that would be a good thing for the show, but having 1 bad guy doing his stuff and then getting reformed (and then becomes really uninteresting and stupid - see Discord) is getting really old. They have at least set up some cliffhangers for the next season, which is a really good thing: Cadence's and Shining's foal, the next cutie mark crusader plotline, Starlight's next journey (she can become Twilight's student - but maybe they can revisit her old friendship with that one colt. How sweet would it be if those two meet again?).
As for the Alternate Timelines that happened throughout the episodes, I want to put some notes:
- Even though Twilight did not convince filly RD to perform a Sonic Rainboom, she must have subsequently done one since the Crysalis Present, that emerged from this circumstance has a fluffy hair Pinkie Pie with balloon cutie mark. How else would she be inspired to become a party pony if she hadn't seen the sky turn to a rainbow.
- The only thing changed in the past is that the Sonic Rainboom or the race is prevented. Yet, there seem to be always different villains that reign in their respective Alternate Presents. It is a bit difficult to imagine how this could happen. I guess Celestia is capable of defending against Nightmare Moon some of the time. Crysalis can also be beaten some of the time. But she probably loses against Discord - maybe Discord stays in his statue longer. Tirek can be killed off when still weak. Etc.
- What I find amazing is that they implied that everyone has died, in the Nothingness Present. Tirek probably leveled the place and is now on the other side of the globe. But in another timeline, we can see Tirek taking down some Ponyville trees, even though this happens in the Present - in other words, he escaped months ago already, but only now destroys Ponyville. Maybe he was held back by some other villain or whatever else could have happened. It is just a problem in my eyes, because this is a very specific outcome...
- In the Sombra Timeline, the elements had to be given back to the Tree of Harmony. Otherwise, the Everfree Forest would have invaded Equestria. Maybe Sombra or whoever did something to prevent that. Or Celestia relinquished the elements.
- There is a lot more to think about. Like, Twilight said something like the Cutie Map is connected to the Tree of Harmony - but the tree is most likely dead if the Element Bearers don't meet and there is ongoing war against a villain. Then there is this "the map is connected to all places and times" thing. I have to study this a lot more...
- Twilight did convince Starlight not to change the past. But the very fact that they are even there already would change the future (it's called the bufferfly effect) - but this is ignored. Could be considered an error in storytelling.
- When Twilight and Starlight travel to a different time, whether it be the alternate presents or the past, there will be alternate versions of those two as well. We can clearly see filly Twilight failing her entrance test and when our Twilight travels to the subsequent alternate present of this circumstance - the Sombra Timeline - what will happen to that filly Twilight? She will have grown up. It's not like she will have vanished, right? A bit of a bummer that this was not further explored. I would have liked Twilight meeting her past filly self or her future alternate self.
- This brings me back to thinking about how this timeline stuff works. It is very clear that Starlight has used the very same spell that Twilight used in "It's About Time". Yet, in that episode ("It's about Time"), the timeline "closes". A timeline paradox occurs, whereby the present depends on the future. How did this paradox occur, is and always has been a mystery to me. I made this pic, but it's in german http://i.imgur.com/XUzm9.png
Basicly, I don't understand how the very first timeline occurs that makes Twilight go back to last tuesday in the first place.
I was interested in making a series timeline, but it is very complicated...
- Item Display: Fixed a bunch of bugs.
- Item Display: Added setting to toggle between displaying items you have in your inventory and all possible items.
- Item Display: Added setting to switch between English and Japanese item names.
- Item Display: You can now edit the amount of items in your inventory. This includes consumables, beans, badges, pants, quest items and coffee items. You can also equip and unequip clothes, badges and coffee items.
Making that item display was a looot of work. I will most certainly not look forward to modifying the code for it, ever again...
But I hope it pays off and I'm sure it will. Editing items is something I think many will be interested in.
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There seems to be a difference between GBP and GBA in Kirby and the Amazing Mirror, however, whereby waiting on the title screen for the cinematics and subsequently playing the game will create extra lag on GBP.
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My 100% SMV mixed Jet and fire (I don't know in what order) in the bird room. I think that file is on my other computer right now, so it's troublesome to get. I don't know if that's better than what you have...
