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Player (83)
Joined: 7/25/2011
Posts: 58
MUGG, I read this thread this morning and thought about it a lot today. It really resonated with some things I've been going through, so I hope you don't mind if I share my thoughts as well. I went through something similar myself a few years ago. I was a person that would do anything for my friends and family, and then I realized I was always reaching out to them, and they would do things without telling me or inviting me along. Eventually I felt they didn't care for me, so I focused really hard on work for a few years, and neglected everything else in my life (so I completely understand having no clean space in the house to do push ups!). Things came to a head earlier this year when I learned my teams didn't like working with me, and a manager who I had given the hardest 2 years of my life dropped me from the team without speaking a word to me about it. I felt at that time that I'd lost everything, and was extremely depressed. I talked with some people about it, and the recommendation was similar to what people here have said: focus on building up the neglected parts of my life. I've since started running (and lost 35 lbs), started playing an instrument (Irish tin whistle), and started playing video games again (currently have a bad Fallout 3 addiction). I even cleaned up my place some, although I have a ways to go still. Since then my relationships with others have improved. See, in the past I didn't really do that much, I would spend a weekend working on a TAS, or reading stuff on Reddit. And that's fine, but when people asked me what I did during the weekend, I didn't think they'd be interested so I'd say "not much, how about you?". Now, I can talk about where I ran, what video game I played, etc. I think from reading your posts you may be similar in this regard, and you may not have a lot to share with others about what you're doing. My theory is that my friends and family felt I didn't trust them because I didn't share things with them (even if I really did do nothing all weekend and was fine with it). But if you trust someone and share things with them, then you can create a better relationship that moves away from acquaintance/familiarity and towards trust. Since I share what I'm doing with coworkers now, we have stronger relationships and things are better at work. I connected with an old friend a while back, and started to rebuild that relationship. I still have a lot to work on, but I have a lot more hope for the future. So with that said, I'm not sure if this friend of yours meant what they said maliciously. I wasn't there, but in my mind it's possible she was frustrated that she felt you two were only acquaintances. Have you told her about TASing and why you enjoy it? Does she know about things you like to do on the computer? Does she know where you like to walk? Maybe you didn't trust her enough to share these things, or maybe you told her these things and she didn't express any interest (in which case I think you're better off without her). There's something called the Familiarity-Comfort-Trust model, which as I understand states that relationships fall on a continuum between familiarity and trust. You can be comfortable with someone and have a great time, but if you don't trust each other the relationship is not as strong as it could be. Maybe she wanted a better relationship and didn't feel things were progressing. But I don't know, I'm only suggesting a theory that might make sense to you. She may not be a terrible person, after all you liked her well enough. But people can be very bad at expressing themselves, so this seems like a possible interpretation given what little I know and my own experiences. My recommendation is to prioritize the people with whom you have a trusting relationship. Relationships will come and go, but the people who trust you will continue sharing things with you if you maintain the relationship, and you can always call them and ask how the things they shared with you are going. They should feel good that you remembered and cared about them, and they should want to reciprocate and ask about you. These relationships are hard to create, but easier to maintain for long periods of time. Also, I think it's great that you want to live for others. That's admirable in my mind. Go for it, and maybe give me some tips about it because I'd like to live that way too. But I think you do need to find other interests, and if not for yourself, then for the people you care about. Grow as a person, be someone they can learn from and share your experiences with so they can grow too. Complete the comic project and share the experience with others. And to your comment from before about people not asking if they can help you, I think it's human nature to want to be with people who you can learn from, and we have limited time so very rarely do we reach out to people we don't have a relationship with. Maybe try to be someone that others can depend on, and don't worry if people you don't have a trusting relationship with reject you. If you trust someone, talk with them honestly about it and try to learn from it. Maybe you can try talking to this girl and clear up some of the confusion? If you don't feel you can, maybe the relationship wasn't as good as you thought. Lastly, cleaning for an hour may be too much. Start really small, maybe clean a coffee table, or one dresser, or clean up a little trash, then reinforce in your mind the positive things - how much better it looks, how easy it was to clean, how good you feel. When I started running, I could only run for 100 yards, but I reinforced how good the wind felt on my face, and celebrated when I ran just a little farther than before. Now I can run 6 miles, and I'll try for 9 this weekend. Somehow with little steps I became a runner, and maybe next year I'll try for a marathon. Sorry for the long post, brevity is not my strong suit. TLDR: If nothing else understand that others have been where you are, and time will make things better. Don't give up on creating relationships with others, and if they don't appreciate you then think about the future people you'll meet that will. Try to grow with little steps, and things will get better. These are just my thoughts, thanks for reading.
nesrocks
He/Him
Player (240)
Joined: 5/1/2004
Posts: 4096
Location: Rio, Brazil
I find that in life you need balance. Taking care of you is up to only yourself. I've been depressed once and there were two reasons for it: 1- not taking care of myself (eating poorly, no exercising) and 2- I was working from home and didn't talk to many people. My stupid piece of advice is to first take care of yourself. Happiness comes from within and you shouldn't depend on others to achieve it. Eating properly and doing some exercise can do wonders to health, to how you feel and to self steem. I say it's stupid because it's what worked for me, and you are not me. But hey, if there are such jerks enjoying the world, why can't you have a piece of the fun too? Go out, take a bike trip, listen to good music and have fun however fun is like to you and try to care less about what other people think. Sure sometimes things suck, but that can't be avoided and that's for everyone.
Active player (469)
Joined: 2/1/2014
Posts: 928
FODA wrote:
..My stupid piece of advice is to first take care of yourself. Happiness comes from within and you shouldn't depend on others to achieve it. Eating properly and doing some exercise can do wonders to health..
This is my life right now. I cant get a decent job due to past life events and it depresses the hell out of me some days. But I eat well and exercise which helps immensely. Then I try to have a positive outlook on life as much as possible. Do the things you love to do, try new things! There's always friends around, you just have to go out and find them cause they are waiting for you! <3 Maybe a TAS Discord Server for chit chat? (I know this doesn't solve human interaction or even seeing (yet, they are still working on video chats thru discord))
Editor, Expert player (2310)
Joined: 5/15/2007
Posts: 3854
Location: Germany
@TheHepper: Thank you for your post. About doing something productive during spare time, that's really difficult for me right now. Right now I'm in a hole where I'm on the PC and not really doing anything, I have nobody, I don't go anywhere, I've been blocked from facebook and I never got into WhatsApp. My phone sucks. I hate my parents. In short: I'm in a bad life situation and I hope my therapy can help me out of it. I can't really work from the point where I'm at right now. I also am really scared of the future - I'd rather not take the 3rd (and last) class of my computer science school... I've had my former classmate tell me the stuff they get taught right now. I don't want to learn Java or anything like that. I may just go into an entirely different direction in life. I don't even want such a good job, I just want to get by - and be happy of course. So since I'm in this miserable situation, I have a really hard time going from there. If nobody invites me to do something, how am I supposed to do something. If I don't necessarily have to go to the gym, why should I go. etc. I need a reason, someone to guide me, a passion, some goal on the horizon. Without that, I can't bring myself to do anything. Why should I go to the cinema alone? Why should I go to the gym alone? etc. This girl (who is not leaving this friday, but sometime later as I've learned), that I really like, has invited me and guided me some, so I was really thankful. It shocks me that I'm going to lose her.. She told me I should not rely on her (i.e. be so needy) but how can I do that with my current miserable situation? So what I did now is I wrote a letter to her and gave it her. I wrote about my feelings, my worries, my situation and asked her about her true feelings for me. I will ask her soon and see if she cares or not. What's nice is that we got new company in our day hospital, two new girls. That's something hopeful, but then again I might think, they will leave at some point too so why bother bonding much? I told the girl about TASing and such, and she told about her computer-related hobbies (animation) but we didn't get a chance at showing each other, yet... No matter how I look at it, she is a nice person and there could have been something between us, but fate will split us and there isn't really anything I can do about it. I don't understand her very well. I don't know her intentions well. I gave her the letter and that's the best thing I could do. I think it was the best to just directly ask her, instead of playing a game of "are we in a relationship or not? why is it not progressing? what could I have done better? Does me relying on her negatively affect our bond? etc". What I meant by "I want to live for others" is a little complex and I might have worded it badly. Basicly, I imagine if I had a circle of friends, I could tackle difficult life situations easier and that circle could become a trampoline for my fears/worries. I could have someone to talk to in times of need and I could have people to laugh with and be a cheerful person. I don't want to go through life alone and base it on "I love myself, I do everything for myself". With everything said, I'm a shy person. I really have a hard time facing people and starting a conversation because I fear they might react in a bad way or judge me or etc. I could probably easily and directly ask the new girls if they are single. I could totally imagine me doing that. But actually starting to talk with them is the hardest hurdle for me... Time really does make things better. It heals wounds. But time can also be hurtful - I have to leave the hospital at some point, I have to take on the 3rd class at some point, I really regret getting older, I hate my own birthdays.. It might sound silly to write it like this but I guess this is life. There are ups and downs. Only that some downs are really deep. @FODA: I appreciate your advice, but I have a difficult time getting started. To take your example: I haven't ridden a bike since I was a kid, I'm in fact scared of riding on the streets and be so exposed (no driver's license yet). I can't listen to music on the go because my phone doesn't allow me to, the earplugs (plug) always comes loose. In fact, it looks like it's broken because I can't even get WLAN or call anymore even after removing and reinserting sim card and battery. The battery runs out so quickly. I've been wanting a new phone but can't afford one right now. As for eating and taking care, I was not able to do that when I lived alone during my 1st class of computer science. I became an everyday pizza eater and the trash stacked. I didn't clean the plates. After a while I didn't even cook anymore, at all. That's why I'm in therapy, so we take a look at why that is and how I can be helped. I don't know yet how much they can help me. I went there 5 weeks now and it's not like I worked out solutions or got tasked to do something. I just learned some life hints and philosophy (which helps) but not much more than that... And now I fear they might release me soon because they deem me "healed". After all, a patient there takes about 8 weeks on average. So I'm worried, even if everyone tells me I shouldn't be... @Solarplex If you want to chat, I'm sometimes on IRC (freenode #tasvideos ). And thanks for your words. This topic has helped me so much, I'm really glad I posted about my problems here. Maybe we can't sticky it but I think maybe I will change the topic title to something general so everyone can make use of it, instead of it being a personal advice thread to me..
Player (79)
Joined: 8/5/2007
Posts: 865
Briefly, regarding therapy, if you are in any way dissatisfied with your therapist, don't be afraid to ask for a different one. It happens more often than you'd think and psychologists (decent ones, at least...) will be happy to help you find someone who works best for you. Don't feel "locked in" to a particular therapist just because they happened to be the first one available.
Editor, Expert player (2310)
Joined: 5/15/2007
Posts: 3854
Location: Germany
So far, I was thinking that that girl and I could still be friends in one way or another. But she avoided me all week. I gave her a letter where I expressed my feelings, my situation and what I would like (spend some time with her before she goes), but she seems to ignore that completely. And today, after the bus ride (in the small hospital bus) to our hometown, instead of waiting for me and walking together like always, she just walked off and never turned back. She stopped sitting next to me in the bus, also. Basicly spells "I don't care about you". I got this girl a present 2 weeks ago but I'm not going to give it to her anymore. I don't even feel so depressed about all this. She has sent me enough signals that she wants to be left alone. So I'm going to do just that. My letter was 4 pages long. I wrote about how thankful I was to have met her, and how I liked her, and how I wished we didn't lose track of one another and that we spend some time together before she leaves. But she has done nothing but avoid me. For me, a person who has played with my feelings like this and leaves me wondering "what could have been" or "what is going on" doesn't deserve my attention anymore. When the day comes where she leaves and everyone says there goodbyes, I will say nothing at all to her.
ars4326
He/Him
Experienced player (763)
Joined: 12/8/2012
Posts: 706
Location: Missouri, USA
MUGG wrote:
So far, I was thinking that that girl and I could still be friends in one way or another. But she avoided me all week. I gave her a letter where I expressed my feelings, my situation and what I would like (spend some time with her before she goes), but she seems to ignore that completely. And today, after the bus ride (in the small hospital bus) to our hometown, instead of waiting for me and walking together like always, she just walked off and never turned back. She stopped sitting next to me in the bus, also. Basicly spells "I don't care about you". I got this girl a present 2 weeks ago but I'm not going to give it to her anymore. I don't even feel so depressed about all this. She has sent me enough signals that she wants to be left alone. So I'm going to do just that. My letter was 4 pages long. I wrote about how thankful I was to have met her, and how I liked her, and how I wished we didn't lose track of one another and that we spend some time together before she leaves. But she has done nothing but avoid me. For me, a person who has played with my feelings like this and leaves me wondering "what could have been" or "what is going on" doesn't deserve my attention anymore. When the day comes where she leaves and everyone says there goodbyes, I will say nothing at all to her.
Indeed, if she is giving you the "cold shoulder" like that and ignoring you -- then that is not somebody worthy of your attention. I'm sure she wouldn't like it, either, if somebody ended up giving her a dose of her own medicine down the road. Looking back on my own life, I can say that this experience will make you stronger, MUGG. Like a deep cut, it initially hurts. But after a time, it heals right back up. Happy to hear you're doing better!
"But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him." - 1 Corinthians 2:9
nfq
Player (92)
Joined: 5/10/2005
Posts: 1204
MUGG wrote:
So far, I was thinking that that girl and I could still be friends in one way or another. But she avoided me all week. I gave her a letter where I expressed my feelings, my situation and what I would like (spend some time with her before she goes), but she seems to ignore that completely. And today, after the bus ride (in the small hospital bus) to our hometown, instead of waiting for me and walking together like always, she just walked off and never turned back. She stopped sitting next to me in the bus, also. Basicly spells "I don't care about you". I got this girl a present 2 weeks ago but I'm not going to give it to her anymore.
From my experience it can also mean that she needs space.
I don't even feel so depressed about all this. She has sent me enough signals that she wants to be left alone. So I'm going to do just that.
Cool, sounds good.
Editor, Expert player (2310)
Joined: 5/15/2007
Posts: 3854
Location: Germany
Today was the day she left. I did say in my last post I would give her the cold shoulder but in the end, we still had a good time together. So today was a pretty painful day again for me. I've been meaning to talk to her but I just couldn't bring myself to it. I was scared, I don't know why. I spent the whole day moping and then bailing out of saying goodbye to her - in other words, I didn't even see her one last time. I just ran away and now she is gone. Since I already cried over it, I'm not sad about it right now. But I think what I did is going to be something I will regret later. I did mean to give her some last words, and part on good terms. But the fear, the pain, the sadness in me was so great that I couldn't bear it.
Editor, Expert player (2310)
Joined: 5/15/2007
Posts: 3854
Location: Germany
Not really related to my depressions but here is a little thing that's been on my mind: For all my life I've been pretty much alone. People I met, in school and at work have always been strange acquaintances - no friendships with deeper meaning. My current visit at a day hospital here has helped me change, and opened some ways for me to make new friends. One measure I took was to contact a former schoolmate girl that I graduated with. We only had class together for one year, but she was one person I talked to and spent time with much more than everyone else. We went take private lessons in math together, and rode the bus back home after together. I thought that we went apart on good terms. We live only about 500m apart so there was always a silent opportunity for me to go visit her, but didn't take it. Let's say, I had more important problems to deal with... Now that 5 years have passed, I tried contacting her. When I called or came by, I only met with her parents a couple times. The way I remember her, she had 500 facebook friends and has something to do every evening so I didn't think anything of it. I threw a letter in their mailbox in which I had written that I would like to know what she's been up to and that we could meet or write each other and I had given her my phone number. Some days later I got an SMS where she said (translated) "Hello Christoph I'm not interested in meeting you. During our school time you've been a superficial acquaintance, but I don't require that we talk about old times and I'm happy the way things are right now. I count on your understanding. PS. This is a friend's number" Of course I was hurt to read this... I didn't write anything offending or sexual in my letter, only that I bet she's busy, that I would find it nice if we could tell each other what's going on, my phone number and that she could write at me, and greetings to her two sisters. So why did she treat me like some mad stalker? Since this happened, I've been told "don't let this get to you", "this is about her, not you", etc. and I'm mostly over it. But it's something stupid anyway, which I have to think about and feel bad about sometimes.. There was someone's theory that at some point I came across as whiny/needy/whatever or that she has been hurt by a man, but I don't know what's going on. For two years before the graduation year, before I had to redo it, I visited school with her older sister. I was able to retrieve her phone number and wrote to her after this incident and she told me literally "if this is about my sister...There's nothing I can tell you about that." I'm confused
Editor, Expert player (2457)
Joined: 4/8/2005
Posts: 1573
Location: Gone for a year, just for varietyyyyyyyyy!!
Hi MUGG! Sounds interesting. Human interactions are not the simplest phenomena on Earth, so confusion is to be expected. Don't worry. Try to take it easy and be patient. If possible, try to find some humor even in the unpleasant situations you get into. That works for me at least. Based on what you wrote I don't quite understand what the big deal is in your situation. Can you not just shrug it off and move on? That's what some people do. It is much easier to do, if we have some hobbies and activities. Walking outside is something that many people agree helps. Do you walk sometimes? How does walking affect your mood? I often walk and listen to music or audiobooks. The positive effect is instantaneous. By the way, walking and listening is the only form of "multitasking" I have "mastered". Judging from your fluent forum English I'm sure you could listen to English audiobooks without a problem. There's plenty available. Some are very entertaining, indeed. By walking and listening you gain levels in two skill trees at the same time, isn't that cool? Do you make food for yourself sometimes? How does cooking affect your mood? I can assure you that any character class gains cooking levels very quickly, if they just take tiny steps and try new things without fear. Everyone has their own style and after some experience failure is almost impossible. My food has fatally failed maybe once in two years and it was very funny when it happened. Cooking can have a positive effect on many areas of our lives. Cooking can be a life-long adventure in itself. There are always new tricks and glitches to be found in the world of pans, pots and spices. So, have you tried that game, the cooking game? (Woah, there is no cooking thread! We got to make one!) Sorry for not being able to help more, but maybe you could try lurking/posting here to gain EXP and get to the next level: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/ https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/
Banned User
Joined: 3/10/2004
Posts: 7698
Location: Finland
In the subject of living alone, I don't think anybody can beat me. I have lived alone for longer than some of the visitors of this forum have lived period. And yes, it sucks. So I have quite a lot of experience on living alone (and how much it sucks), but unfortunately I have no experience nor advice to give on how to fix that. The only advice that I can give, from experience, is that you should fix it sooner than later. The older you get, the harder it gets to fix it. (I have the hypothesis that the older you become, the more people will instinctively not approach you on their own because they assume that you already have a social circle of your own, probably even a family. People are instinctively attracted to younger people. And I don't mean "attracted" like that. I mean socially. As in wanting to make acquaintances and friends. Older people neither instinctively approach other people, nor are approached by other people.) So fix it before it's too late. Unfortunately I don't know how, but try your best.
Editor, Expert player (2457)
Joined: 4/8/2005
Posts: 1573
Location: Gone for a year, just for varietyyyyyyyyy!!
Have you guys ever tested living in a commune? I currently live in a commune of 10 people. If anyone has any questions about communal living, feel free to ask.
Banned User
Joined: 3/10/2004
Posts: 7698
Location: Finland
Living permanently with someone else might not be the absolutely problem-free solution either. Time and again I hear from married friends who are very happy in their marriage and wouldn't change it for anything, yet still sometimes long for just a bit of alone time, which they usually never get anymore (especially after having kids.) Constantly living with someone, even an entire family, every day, 7 days a week, for years, also brings its stressful situations, where you just would want to be left alone for a bit, but you are pretty much forced to care and pay attention to the others, pretty much constantly. Finding a good balance might be impossible. This might delve a bit into the human condition. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
Publisher
Joined: 4/23/2009
Posts: 1283
Eh it's called personal space. I think there is still some alone time. That is all out the window once you have kids and are stuck until the kids have moved out though. The alone time might but during work or something, lol. I'm sure there are still boys/girls night out and things like that.
Editor, Expert player (2310)
Joined: 5/15/2007
Posts: 3854
Location: Germany
I'm again at a point where I think it might just be better if I stopped living i don't understand what Im doing wrong and people still accuse me. people suddenly become unreachable. people i loved so very much they just "die" from one day to the next. Everything i did in the last 7 months. maybe my whole life its just all meaningless ie
Banned User
Joined: 3/10/2004
Posts: 7698
Location: Finland
I really don't think you should take it upon yourself, if other people treat you badly, or ignore you. I know it sucks, I really do. But sometimes it's just better to have a "fuck them" mentality, if other people are being a-holes. I understand perfectly that it's often hard to ignore such things, but it's not good to just get depressed over it. You reaching out like this is a good thing, however. Please keep doing it. The internet is an anonymous and opaque wall, a very cold way of communication, which is no substitute for real human contact, but it's better than absolutely nothing. I want to hear what you have to say, so please don't stop communicating with us.
Editor, Expert player (2310)
Joined: 5/15/2007
Posts: 3854
Location: Germany
I worked in a kindergarten 7 months internship and now they tell me there are too many problems etc. i can now only go there fridays but its like a slap in my face. i did nothing wrong. i was just being me. They never told me what i should do or fix. They just tell me "their team is coming to the agreement i should only come fridays" i dont want just 1 day. for me its not about the people doing this sort of thing. The pain for me is seeing those children grow for 7 months and playing and laughing with them and caring for them but now i can no longer see them apart from that one day out of the week. its too little time. those children just like that one girl i talked about. i loved them and now they are gone. they died. And whats there to prevent this happening again in the future? It happened quite a few times now. i do something thats completely fine in my eyes and get punished for it.
Experienced player (600)
Joined: 10/23/2004
Posts: 706
MUGG, have you considered meeting with a psychologist to talk through your feelings? It's perfectly normal to do so and I have several friends who do so regularly and swear by it. An in-person professional will be much better equipped to help you talk through such challenges. I wish I could help more but I'm just not equipped to do so on a messageboard.
Current Project: - Mario Kart 64
Editor, Expert player (2310)
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Posts: 3854
Location: Germany
Thats why i grow more and more fond of the idea to just end the pain. There are so many people out there that i dont feel like im making a difference. if im not there someone else will be there. If its about living for "yourself" i feel like i have had enough of it.
Banned User
Joined: 3/10/2004
Posts: 7698
Location: Finland
MUGG wrote:
I worked in a kindergarten 7 months internship and now they tell me there are too many problems etc. i can now only go there fridays but its like a slap in my face. i did nothing wrong. i was just being me. They never told me what i should do or fix. They just tell me "their team is coming to the agreement i should only come fridays"
Maybe try to discuss it with them more? If there are problems, ask what they are.
Editor, Expert player (2310)
Joined: 5/15/2007
Posts: 3854
Location: Germany
Ok now that I'm at a computer I can type my thoughts faster. I want to apologize for writing about suicide. It seem like something that I might do, but then again, there is still hope left in me. I have cried a lot. I'm exhausted. I will probably cry a lot more still. But I'm already doing something. I messaged people and posted here and mailed someone. Just to discuss what happened and to find ideas what to do from now. I feel like what happened in that kindergarten was one big bad scheme, a farce, or I'm just still not understanding what happened but what matters is that I behaved just the way I am so there's nothing I can do. I did nothing wrong. I can only mourn the loss, it's not like I can bring it back. I can not bring the people back that "died". I will try to find new people, a new kindergarten. I think that I secretly believe I can someday go back to that old kindergarten, but it's probably not happening. I got disappointed a lot of times now in my life. Many girls that I fell in love with and that I couldn't reach. Dreams that I couldn't fulfill. People that left me, lots and lots of them, they "died". I can only go forward and see if I can find happiness again. And if not, then maybe I will come back to this topic. @Warp, I did ask those people at the kindergarten what I did wrong. They say there are plenty, but they never told me about them because I'm easy to frustrate so they didn't tell me anything. - I'm showing up to work late, because nobody complained. The former group leader said until 9 am is ok so that's what I went with. - The children playing too 'drastically' with me - I'm not motivated doing tasks like cleaning the house or watering the flowers, since I'm not paid - I'm breaking rules. Specifically, one of the children told me they couldn't go to that one field of grass, I asked "who said that", "the adults", "I'm an adult". I have seen one other adult from our team on that field of grass with the children and so I thought it was ok for me to go there. I didn't see that there was a rule but then I was told I'm breaking the rules. When I explained my standpoint, they didn't really want to listen. They just tell me I can only come fridays and period. It's too little time so I'm not going there anymore. I didn't even get to say my farewell to anyone. Today it was a 'go there, have a talk and leave forever'.
Site Admin, Skilled player (1234)
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Posts: 11251
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The principle of life is that the only problem that can not be overcome is when you do not overcome it. If there's a problem that looks like a giant monster that just spreads death all over you, and you are trying to confront it from different sides, and seemingly only fail, in fact you are getting closer to his heart simply by trying all the possible approaches you can, gradually reaching his weak spot. No monster has no weak spots, remember that. TASing teaches us that even the effort that ends up being unused in the end improves your skill and awareness. People with potential always live in problems. Look at how Edison treated Tesla. The only way to live seemingly without problems is when one shifts his problems on to others, which is in fact a greater problem than when you do nothing wrong and still suffer. And yes, those who decided to live like that will always make you suffer. Yet they are a part of that monster that will surely die in the end. You will have to decided whether you want to be a part of this victory or not.
Warning: When making decisions, I try to collect as much data as possible before actually deciding. I try to abstract away and see the principles behind real world events and people's opinions. I try to generalize them and turn into something clear and reusable. I hate depending on unpredictable and having to make lottery guesses. Any problem can be solved by systems thinking and acting.
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Posts: 7698
Location: Finland
Weatherton wrote:
MUGG, have you considered meeting with a psychologist to talk through your feelings?
By the way, I think this is good advise. People tend to be wary of psychologists, especially if they have never been to one, and may be either really shy about even thinking going to one, or think that it's only for neurotic old wives or the truly insane. In actuality it's nothing like that (although I can't talk from personal experience, as I have never been to one, but I do know close people who have been to psychologists.) They are there to help, and there's nothing to be scared of, or ashamed of. There is nothing shameful about it. And they can really help. That's their job, and generally they are good at it.
Editor, Expert player (2310)
Joined: 5/15/2007
Posts: 3854
Location: Germany
I know psychologists are for everyone. But i have my serious doubts its going to help me any. I have been to psychologists before. At this point i might as well try it again though. just waiting for monday where i can call my hospital to ask them for phone contacts Im crying again btw i feel ive been done injustice.
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