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Joined: 4/8/2006
Posts: 64
Location: Giran Castle town
Errr you guys will hate me for this but... She Was So Blonde *She sent me a fax with a stamp on it. *She thought a quarterback was a refund. *She tripped over the cordless phone. *She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind. *She told someone to meet her at the corner of "Walk" and "Don't Walk". *She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept. *At the bottom of the application where it says "Sign here", she wrote Sagittarius. *If she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless. *When she heard that 90% of all crimes happen around the home, she moved. *She got an AM radio. It took her 9 months to figure out that she could use it at night. *She stood staring at the frozen orange juice because it said "Concentrate". A blonde is driving down the road she sees a cop flashing his lights behind her. She pulls over. The cop comes up to her window and the blonde realizes that the cop is a blonde too. The cop says I need your driver's license and the blonde says, "What does it look like?" the cop replies, "It's square and has your picture on it." so the blonde searches through her purse and finds a mirror looks at it then gives it to the cop. The cop says, "Oh, ok I'm sorry I didn't know you were a cop too." What A Wonderful Husband Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen. MAN: "Hello" WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?" MAN: "Yes" WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?" MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much." WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2006 models. I saw one I really liked." MAN: "How much?" WOMAN: "$68,000." MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options." WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing....The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000." MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000." WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!" MAN: "Bye, I love you, too." The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment. Then he smiles and asks: "Does anyone know whose phone this is?" There is a mirror that if you tell it a lie you are sucked into the mirror but if you tell the truth you are given money. A brunette walks up to the mirror and says, "I think I am the tallest person in the world," and shazam she is sucked Into the mirror. A few minutes later a ginger haired person walks up to the mirror and says, "I think I am the fattest person in the world," and shazam she is sucked into the mirror. The next day a blonde walks up to the mirror. She stares deep into it and says, "I think," and shazam... A Texas State trooper pulled over a Oklahoma pickup on I-35. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?" The driver replied, "Bout' whut?" Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying, "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed in an accident." "OH DEAR GOD NO," Bush exclaims. "That's terrible!!" His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the president sits, head in hands. Finally, the President, devastated, looks up and asks, "How many is a Brazillion??!" From http://www.lol.com I think they're kinda funny...
Dreamers Team lead Developer Tell what you want to see in New Bisqwit's Best of Video
Player (200)
Joined: 7/6/2004
Posts: 511
Good ones. Here's one I stole from another forum: A girl asks her dad, "Why am I called Rose?" The father replies, "Because a rose petal fell on your head when you were born" Then her sister asks, "Why am I called Lilly?" The father replies, "Because a lilly petal fell on your head when you were born" Her brother says, "ERTGTHREGERG£$%£$^£EGRD" The father replies, "Shut up, Cinderblock."
g,o,p,i=1e4,a[10001];main(x){for(;p?g=g/x*p+a[p]*i+2*!o: 53^(printf("%.4d",o+g/i),p=i,o=g%i);a[p--]=g%x)x=p*2-1;}
Joined: 11/26/2005
Posts: 285
My dad just told me this joke. There was a blonde girl who knocked on the door of a rich man's house. The man gets out and says "What do you want?" The blonde says, "I'm studying to become a painter, so you you give me a job?" "-Well, i have a porch that you can paint. How much money do you want?" "-I'm fine with 10 bucks." This surprised the man, since his porch was huge and a task that big could never be worth just ten dollars. So he gives her some money and some paint cans he had in the basement. An hour later (the man had been watching TV) the blonde opens the door again. "Okay, I'm done! By the way, it's not a Porsche, it's a Ferrari." :O
Active player (277)
Joined: 5/29/2004
Posts: 5712
Oh, that guy's not very smart!
put yourself in my rocketpack if that poochie is one outrageous dude
Joined: 6/9/2006
Posts: 614
Location: Mettmann
that ferrari thing hurts XD!
Joined: 1/17/2006
Posts: 775
Location: Deign
In response to Fabian's wife jokes in another topic, here are some more. I thought this would be a better place to put them. This is my favorite: Q: How do most men define marriage? A: A very expensive way to getting their laundry done free.
Deign Deign Deign Deign Deign Deign Deign Deign Deign Deign Deign Deign Deign Deign Deign Deign Deign Deign Deign Deign Deign Deign Deign Deign Deign Deign aqfaq Deign Deign Deign Deign Deign Deign Deign Deign Deign Deign Deign Deign Deign Deign Deign
Joined: 6/15/2005
Posts: 1711
Since we're doing more of these: Q: What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? A: Nothing, she's already been told twice.
Zoey Ridin' High <Fabian_> I prett much never drunk
JXQ
Experienced player (749)
Joined: 5/6/2005
Posts: 3132
Q: How are women like a Magic 8 Ball? A: If you don't get the answer you want, shake for a bit and ask again.
<Swordless> Go hug a tree, you vegetarian (I bet you really are one)
Tub
Joined: 6/25/2005
Posts: 1377
Never disagree with a woman. sooner or later she'll do it herself. (yeah, it's safe to post such things in a forum with less women than spam bots)
m00
Joined: 10/24/2005
Posts: 1080
Location: San Jose
JXQ wrote:
Q: How are women like a Magic 8 Ball? A: If you don't get the answer you want, shake for a bit and ask again.
So when's the divorce ;). Now here's one really racist blonde joke. If you get offended, it's your fault. I'm not trying to be racist, it's just something I heard. WARNING RACIST JOKE: WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU GET A BLONDE GENIE? A white guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub. Two blond genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes. The guy makes his three wishes and the blond genies disappear. The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a mansion surrounded by 50 beautiful women. He makes love to all of them and begins to explore the house. Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet, he looks down and the floor is covered in $1,000 bills! Then, there's a knock at the door. . He answers it and standing there are two persons dressed in Klu Klux Klan outfits. They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a limb and hang him by the neck until he's dead. As the Klansmen are walking away, they remove their hoods; it's the two blond genies. One blond genie says to the other one, " I can understand the first wish having all these beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to. I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire, but why he wanted to be hung like a black man is beyond me.
<agill> banana banana banana terracotta pie! <Shinryuu> ho-la terracotta barba-ra anal-o~
Active player (277)
Joined: 5/29/2004
Posts: 5712
Oh, those genies, always so literal! But I like that you kept the wishes secret until the end. That's something different in wish jokes there.
put yourself in my rocketpack if that poochie is one outrageous dude
Joined: 3/9/2004
Posts: 484
Location: ­­
What does being hung have to do with getting hanged?
Joined: 10/24/2005
Posts: 1080
Location: San Jose
Bladegash wrote:
What does being hung have to do with getting hanged?
??? I don't think you got the punch line. He wanted to be "hung like a black man". Can you read into the euphemism? It's of sexual nature. What hangs... and what do black men generally have that white men are jealous of? Ah screw it, I just ruined the punchline.
<agill> banana banana banana terracotta pie! <Shinryuu> ho-la terracotta barba-ra anal-o~
Active player (277)
Joined: 5/29/2004
Posts: 5712
I think Bladegash already did that.
put yourself in my rocketpack if that poochie is one outrageous dude
JXQ
Experienced player (749)
Joined: 5/6/2005
Posts: 3132
I get it! You use the two different yet similar words whether you are referring to an entire person or not, so it's only natural to try to make a joke about a joke by dancing with semantics! Go English!
<Swordless> Go hug a tree, you vegetarian (I bet you really are one)
Active player (277)
Joined: 5/29/2004
Posts: 5712
I don't get it.
put yourself in my rocketpack if that poochie is one outrageous dude

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