Hey guys, as some of you might know, Zidanax was a bit of a loner in the real world. I say 'was' because last weekend he chose to end his life. From his last logged in date, it seems that this forum was one of the last places he visited. Tim was a coworker and classmate of mine, but I never knew him more than casually, I only found this by searching for his username. I'm posting hoping that people who knew him on this site will find this and know why he is no longer around, and hoping to find anyone who talked with him frequently to maybe find out more information for his family. If you have anything to share, please PM me.
As an additional note, if you ever have suicidal thoughts, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE contact someone, anyone. Nothing is ever worth taking your life for.
Sage advice from a friend of Jim: So put your tinfoil hat back in the closet, open your eyes to the truth, and realize that the government is in fact causing austismal cancer with it's 9/11 fluoride vaccinations of your water supply.
Joined: 3/9/2004
Posts: 4588
Location: In his lab studying psychology to find new ways to torture TASers and forumers
What DarkKobold said is correct, really do talk to someone you can trust if you have problems. If you can't find anyone locally in person, try various support hotlines. Even talking to friendly people you know online can help too.
Warning: Opinions expressed by Nach or others in this post do not necessarily reflect the views, opinions, or position of Nach himself on the matter(s) being discussed therein.
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I can honestly emphatise with the feelings of loneliness, and how hard and depressing that can be.
Many people probably can't understand it because they have so many friends, family members, acquaintances, coworkers and other people who they interact with every single day. Not all people have that fortune. And it's not just a feeling of loneliness, but literally not having much physical interaction with other people and lacking social contacts with friends and family members.
Chronic loneliness can be a serious matter. Not only is chronic loneliness linked to depression, it's also linked to physical ailments. As Wikipedia puts it:
"Chronic loneliness is a serious, life-threatening condition. At least one study has empirically correlated it with an increased risk of cancer, especially for those who hide their loneliness from the outside world, and it is also associated with increased risk of stroke and cardiovascular disease." "People who are socially isolated may report poor sleep quality, and thus have diminished restorative processes."
Chronic loneliness can become a vicious cycle. The longer you live without much social interactions with other people, the harder it becomes to form new friends. The longer this continues, the stronger the feelings of apathy towards it. At some point a person just gives up even trying. If trying to form new social contacts has failed for the past decade, why would the next decade be any different? And this may not be for the lack of trying; it's just that when a person lacks the skills to form social bonds, it can be very difficult to form them. It is, after all, a learned and acquired skill. Some people may be "natural" at it, others have to learn it. Some people never learn it properly. Such a person can, for example, go to a social event (eg. a party), be there for six hours, and gain no new acquaintances. Such a person might leave the event more depressed than he was before.
A good way to reduce the likelihood of your family becoming mentally insane when killing yourself is to fake an accident. The downside is that it usually involves wrecking a car.
I feel sorry for the pain he must have been through to make that decision and for the pain this is causing to his acquaintances and family right now.
@Warp: I don't mean this in a demeaning way, but there are programs on being right vs. being happy. Their message is you have to give up on trying to be right/correct all the time in order to become happy. You might be interested in some of that. I realize it might be difficult to stop trying to be right in case that's currently your main source of interaction with people.
I'll also tell you a story about how to catch and tame an elephant. You tie it to a tree with a rope and wait for it to try to escape for a few weeks. After that time it'll stop trying, you can then remove the rope and it'll never try again, even if the rope that tied it to the tree has long been gone.
@Warp: I don't mean this in a demeaning way, but there are programs on being right vs. being happy. Their message is you have to give up on trying to be right/correct all the time in order to become happy. You might be interested in some of that. I realize it might be difficult to stop trying to be right in case that's currently your main source of interaction with people.
I'll also tell you a story about how to catch and tame an elephant. You tie it to a tree with a rope and wait for it to try to escape for a few weeks. After that time it'll stop trying, you can then remove the rope and it'll never try again, even if the rope that tied it to the tree has long been gone.
There are drugs (remedies i mean) anyway that can do that job for you, youll stop to be depressive or obsessive ect...
But the thing is, like warp mentioned, those "skills" arent available to everybody, been happy doesnt forcably naturally grant them either, its rare your "family" or "friends" would sufficiently care/have the mean to help you with that, or understand it.
I agree wholeheartedly with DarkKobold's statement. In case a person cannot choose, I appoint myself as the person to contact in case of doubt. Please do talk to me.
And I know from experience that Warp's words are true as well. Though I am no longer quite incapable of forming new social connections and/or talking to someone, it is still natural for me to retreat if I choose to. And it can still be difficult to see who is free for talking and when is the right time to disturb without actually disturbing, and difficult to find anything to talk about to begin with.
No drug can do that for you, it's a misconception. Drugs themselves only lower the symptoms of depression, they can't cure it. The idea is that taking these drugs should help you make the changes in life suggested by an accompanying psychological counseling more easily. Taking them without changing your habits can even make things worse if you are unlucky. I see depression as a signal by your body that you'd have to change your lifestyle. It might be counterproductive to just turn it off and continue without making those changes.
Drugs themselves only lower the symptoms of depression, they can't cure it.
Thats exactly what i underlined and what warp sayd, the point was, you can be loonely and happy or not depressive, either way it doesnt forcably provide the "tools" to avoid social loonelyness; its a vicious circle.
@Warp: I don't mean this in a demeaning way, but there are programs on being right vs. being happy. Their message is you have to give up on trying to be right/correct all the time in order to become happy. You might be interested in some of that. I realize it might be difficult to stop trying to be right in case that's currently your main source of interaction with people.
You couldn't be more off the mark.
You might not have "meant it in a demeaning way", but frankly, I find your comment utterly annoying and distasteful. I honestly poured my thoughts on the issue of loneliness, based on personal experience, and you basically respond with a "people don't like you because you want to always be right". Way to cheer up a person who, for all you know, could well be pathologically depressed right now.
And no, I'm not lonely because I "want to be right". You are pulling that from your ass.
Haha, don't be like that. You have made some comments exclaiming that people are lucky to have close friends, it's not like that for everyone, and I thought there might be a chance that you wouldn't be too happy with your situation either. In that case I thought my pointer towards this direction might be helpful. In case you had trouble making friends, that'd be the among the more likely roots of the problem for me to assume given what little I know about you. In case all of that were true, it would be negligent of me not to hint you at some material that could maybe be helpful to you, don't you think?
It doesn't mean I definitely think any of it is true at all. It's more of a just in case thing.
Joined: 3/9/2004
Posts: 4588
Location: In his lab studying psychology to find new ways to torture TASers and forumers
Please guys, don't use a thread like this to fight and argue.
On Warp's thoughts, it is unlikely that he's the only one with loneliness problems. Based on myself and other people I know around the site, I imagine many of us feel loneliness to various degrees. It may even be inversely proportionate as to how much time one spends talking on forums to friends who yet at same time are also strangers.
Having friends, coworkers, and family doesn't always cure that feeling of loneliness. People are complex and consist of many feelings, desires, and conflicting thought processes. While you may get along and "feel connected" to those around you on some topics, you may feel no connection on others, and desperately want it.
As an example. One may be a medical doctor, whose parents are medical doctors, whose spouse is a medical doctor, and coworkers are medical doctors. That person can feel very connected about medicine. That same person may also feel a large part of them is about enjoying fine classical literature, yet no one in their personal circle may be interested in such a topic. That person may then crave to find forums that discuss books, and spend much time on them.
A common feeling people have is "no one truly understands the real me". Such ideas can lead to depression or worse. In those cases, try to find someone to talk to online in those areas you feel you lack friends locally. Bisqwit himself offered to chat if you need it. Don't hesitate if you do. You can also chat with me on our IRC channel. There really are people out there who can understand some of what you're going through, and may even have similar experiences and insights into them.
Warning: Opinions expressed by Nach or others in this post do not necessarily reflect the views, opinions, or position of Nach himself on the matter(s) being discussed therein.
Many people probably can't understand it because they have so many friends, family members, acquaintances, coworkers and other people who they interact with every single day.
Ugh. Thanks for that though, VG. He was a pretty good guy, but I hadn't talked to him for a couple years. I hope he is enjoying rockin' it in the big house.
adelikat wrote:
I very much agree with this post.
Bobmario511 wrote:
Forget party hats, Christmas tree hats all the way man.
Joined: 10/27/2004
Posts: 1978
Location: Making an escape
Well now. This wasn't something I wanted to wake up to.
Nach wrote:
As an example. One may be a medical doctor, whose parents are medical doctors, whose spouse is a medical doctor, and coworkers are medical doctors. That person can feel very connected about medicine. That same person may also feel a large part of them is about enjoying fine classical literature, yet no one in their personal circle may be interested in such a topic. That person may then crave to find forums that discuss books, and spend much time on them.
If I may offer some commentary on this, based on personal experience and research I've done.
Often, it's not a case of "No one understands me," but of, "I am of no worth." Take this person who was raised in a medically oriented family. Such a person would come away with the impression that medicine is important. And it wouldn't be restricted to just his family, everyone talks about doctors and how important they are and how much they respect people who get their medical degrees!
So this person comes away, thinking, "In order to amount to something, in order to be respected, I need to be a doctor." But then comes, "Except I like books." And there's been little reinforcement that liking books is socially acceptable!
The conclusion the person comes to: "To have a place in this society, I need to be a doctor. But I like books, and books are of little value in this society. Therefore, I am of little value in society."
And then comes the suicidal thoughts and acts, because they feel they are a burden and wish to remove themselves as a favor for everyone else. I'm not joking, that's the thought process. To be open, I struggle with feelings like that almost every day, and has been a prominent part of what little reading I've done on the subject.
In this scenario, joining a book club would be of little use. Our hypothetical suicidal person brings his feelings of worthlessness with him. "Have I gone so low, am I of so little value, that I can only amount to hanging out with other people who read books? I am only good enough to hang out with fellow low lives like these." Thus the issues with self hate are aggravated, not alleviated, by hanging out with fellow like-minded individuals.
You can tell them that's not the case all you want; you can show them that's not the case all you want! It really won't do much. A person's perception of reality is more important than reality itself.
A hundred years from now, they will gaze upon my work and marvel at my skills but never know my name. And that will be good enough for me.
Joined: 3/9/2004
Posts: 4588
Location: In his lab studying psychology to find new ways to torture TASers and forumers
Ferret Warlord, well said. You're spot on.
Warning: Opinions expressed by Nach or others in this post do not necessarily reflect the views, opinions, or position of Nach himself on the matter(s) being discussed therein.
As an additional note, if you ever have suicidal thoughts, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE contact someone, anyone. Nothing is ever worth taking your life for.
My uncle took his own life back in the summer of 09 after losing a job he loved the year before. While I was saddened by the event.I can live the rest of my life without regret knowing I did everything reasonably could have done to counsel him out of his despression. He made his own decision in the end and I'll have to accept it. Your statement largely applies to people between the ages of 16-24 IMO.
Joined: 11/18/2006
Posts: 2426
Location: Back where I belong
Wow, I looked at the link Sir VG provided, expecting it to be in some town in Kentucky or something... instead, I find out that zidanax lived where I went to college for 4 years, and went to a high school where I briefly worked at. How sad. My thoughts go out to his family, friends, and classmates.
Joined: 10/12/2011
Posts: 6438
Location: The land down under.
Can we have this up as a sticky on the Off Topic area for a while
RIP Zidanax
You are now "in the sky of diamonds" with 2 of your favourite group The Beatles (aka John Lennon and George Harrison)
WebNations/Sabih wrote:
+fsvgm777 never censoring anything.
Disables Comments and Ratings for the YouTube account.Something better for yourself and also others.
Joined: 4/8/2005
Posts: 1573
Location: Gone for a year, just for varietyyyyyyyyy!!
R.I.P. zidanax
Warp wrote:
Chronic loneliness can become a vicious cycle.
Luckily, the positive version of the cycle is also possible. I know from my own experience that only a handful of good things can get the ball rolling, the positive cycle starts feeding itself until nothing can stop it. Even if it stops from time to time, it can be restarted again. There are so many methods to make things better that some of them will likely work. The method just needs to be found and tried. Visiting a doc is always a good starting point, even if you can't tell exactly what's wrong with your life.
There are always people who want to help you, no matter who you are and no matter what your situation is like.
Thank you everyone for your condolences, and thank you DarkKobold for finding my post and putting it somewhere the people who needed to would see it. I will be passing your messages on to Tim's family, who I am sure will appreciate them.
Joined: 6/11/2006
Posts: 818
Location: Arboga, Sweden
This blows on so many levels. I love the shit out of the Actraiser-TASes. I wish I could have gotten the chance to work alongside him at some point. May he rest in piece.
zidanax, you will be missed.
Warp wrote:
omg lol this is so fake!!!1 the nes cant produce music like this!
