Submission #7390: Arc's NES The Legend of Zelda "Kino" in 04:14.51

2022 — G — 4m 14s — IMDb RATING: 10

Action — Adventure — Fantasy

Overview: A young man seeks a ring to propose to a beautiful princess.

Director: Arc

Writer: Arc

Robert Pattinson as Link

Sydney Sweeney as Zelda

Jennifer Lawrence as Tektite

Ryan Gosling as Octorok

Léa Seydoux as Leever

Katheryn Winnick as Armos

Alexandra Daddario as Peahat

Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson as Moblin

Ana de Armas as Zora

Benedict Cumberbatch as Shopkeeper

Leonardo DiCaprio as Loan Shark

Brad Pitt as Game Operator

Keanu Reeves as Angel Investor

This is a new type of movie, but it is actually a very old type of movie—the silent film. (8675309 of 8675309 found this interesting)

In many languages (e.g. Russian, German, Polish, etc.) “kino” means “cinema.” (69 of 69 found this interesting)

Filmed on-location in Hyrule in 2022. Arc had previously filmed in Hyrule while working on the Zelda II franchise. (3.1415 of 3.1415 found this interesting)

Despite its all-star cast, the film had a production budget of $0. (1.618 of 1.618 found this interesting)

First film by Arc to be released on 1 April. (0 of 666 found this interesting)

“Through each of the star performances, and the rich narrative, Arc delivers an authentic, necessary statement of love.”

“While Link has certainly put himself in a position of immense scrutiny voluntarily, it's hard not to empathize fully with the burden he carries—being the heroic face of the moment we live in right now.”

“Pattinson, as Link, has such charisma, charm, depth and grace, it's as easy to believe him as a hero as it is to believe him as a romantic suitor.”

“Arc captures the traumatic and complex roots of Hyrulean romance better than just about any other entry in the evergreen genre.”

“Kinos can do a great many things𝅶 —they can make us laugh, or incite our heroism, or frighten us, or make us cry. 'The Blue Ring' makes us feel—deeply and urgently.”

Samsara: finally, after almost two decades, someone finally submits a MOVIE. we've been calling them movies for that long and nobody got the hint until now!!!

The Blue Ring (2022)

⭐6/10

Just barely misses the mark
18 April 2022

I see glowing reviews, inclusions on "Best of All Time" lists, maybe something about that shopkeeper from Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars (1996), and I have to admit that I feel this is more than a bit overhyped.

Perhaps I'm a cynic, I'll admit that, but I'd also like to think that cynicism helps me stay consistent with my reviews. In a world where so-called "hype trains" are growing increasingly common and basic discourse is sadly diminishing, I believe this kind of cynicism is needed, and thus I will continue to let it inform me, despite the objections of literally everyone I have ever spoken to in my life. Personally, I don't need to be in any circle of film reviewers. I can find much more fun things to do in a circle as a group. Duck Duck Goose, for example.

It is hard for me to speak of this film in a spoiler free way, as at a grand total of four minutes, 14 seconds, and 51 milliseconds, every possible event I could describe would be a spoiler. I can say there are twists. I can say there are turns. I can say the ending is shocking, but perhaps not in the intended way. I can applaud the film's creativity amidst a sea of April 1st releases that tend to all feel pretty derivative, but it is in fact that creativity that leaves it lacking in the sort of things that I'm looking for as a reviewer. It lacks a destination, shall we say. A clear goal, shall we say again. It doesn't have an ending, shall we say a third time. Also, uh, just kidding about that spoiler free part.

I mean, it ENDS, definitely, in that the film reaches a point where it just Does Not anymore, but calling that a proper ending would be like calling me a proper film critic, and calling me a proper film critic would mean I would have been accepted into Circle of Criticizing Kino instead of being rejected, so in solidarity, I feel as though I have to reject this film in turn. From what? I'm not sure. Perhaps I am rejecting it from my mind. Perhaps this is just one long and unfunny metaphor, like nearly everything else I write. Perhaps the Circle should consider maybe changing their name for reasons I don't think I'm at liberty to discuss.

Whatever the case, the verdict remains the same.

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