Samantha Sara is the humanized name of Samsara, the Goddess of Goddesses. The person reading this page isn't. Ha! In your face, Anonymous Boy and/or Gal and/or Non-Binary Pal!

Hi! It's me! Samsara! Where are you going? Oh, heck. Oh no, come back. No, no, it's okay. Shhhh. Don't worry. I don't bite unless you ask me to.

I joined the site in 2006 2009, definitely, I don't have an account prior to this one that I stopped using because I wanted a name change and was too embarrassed to contact an admin so I just made a new account, what are you talking about? I started really TASing in 2014, during a period I like to refer to as "The Dark Age", a period that lasted until... Well, hell, 2020? Yeah, 2020. I was a Judge and general forum moderator from October 2015 to November 2016, then personal life bashed me over the head with a sledgehammer and I left for three years, and now I'm back! Better than ever! I am reborn! It's symbolic! It's almost like this name I chose actually means something more than just stealing Daisoujou's unique attack!

Anyway, it's great to be back. Things are good.

As of August 10th, 2020, I have returned to being a Judge! Wow, y'all really let that happen, huh? Sorry, I meant "happy to be back!" The keys are right next to each other, I swear.

This whole userpage is a work in progress, it's based on my original userpage from the last time I was on the site, except not dated to a horrible time in my life. Hooray!

SPECIAL 2020 EDIT: Due to a lot of recent changes, this section is undergoing heavy rewrites.

So, hi, I'm a trans woman.

I was born biologically male, but over the course of my life I've had much more positive experiences with women. I was raised mostly by my mom and grandmother, made better friends with girls while going through school, and just generally didn't get along with other guys at all. At 13, I started growing my hair out, mostly because of laziness, but the longer it got, the more I got complimented on it. Eventually, I started to be mistaken for a girl. I didn't mind. I was a tiny little misandrist at the time, I really didn't like my own gender, and I didn't really like myself that much either. Being called a girl for the first time (and the next 100 times) was a blessing in disguise, really.

This more or less continued until I was 16, where I decided to go full hog and do the awful Halloween trope of a guy dressing up as a girl, except I didn't want to just look like a guy in drag. I got help from friends and went all the hell out on it. To put it simply, I loved doing it. I loved how I looked, how people treated me, the whole spectacle of it all, really. Someone I'd known for years genuinely didn't recognize me to the point where she actually re-introduced herself to me, multiple people asked me why I didn't dress up, and there's a few photos out there of me with groups of total, seriously impressed strangers. Naturally, I started actually crossdressing at the end of my time in school, then I dropped out because School Is For Losers, and that's around the time where I became, well... Confused about myself.

A couple years after getting the frick outta school, things like Tumblr and trans rights started coming up more frequently, getting popular and all that, and around that time I had honestly started entertaining the thought of a sex change, but I could never really justify doing it. I was a heterosexual male, for one, so my relationship options would be quite limited if I decided to go through with it, since I have no intention of linking myself romantically with men. But there's also the strain on the relationships with my friends and family, having known me as male for 20 years at that point, and with me having told none of them about what I was going through, it'd be a shock. So I kept it hidden.

But it kept coming back, the thought of transitioning, the thought of finally being happy with myself, and it added a lot of stress to my life. I had always told myself I would go through with it, I started telling my friends what was going on, I lost friends over it and gained others over it, I entered new relationships, told them my feelings, and had them tell me they would leave me if I went through with it. So every time I found a new partner, I'd just say "If she ever leaves me, I'm doing it."

Why? Because the reality of the situation is that I'm just Samsa, or Samsara, or EnergyNede in a couple of places. I identify as myself and whatever people want to call me. Over my life, I've been called everything under the sun, positive and negative, insulting and complimentary, I've been called an angel and the devil, a lifesaver and a life destroyer. Nothing else fazes me at this point.

Given some recent events, however, I'm considering stepping back from this female persona. Not bad events, mind, just reflecting on my future and trying to figure out what's best for me as a person. The female stuff will never not flatter me, but I feel like if I let myself get more absorbed in it, I'll just want to try justifying a transition, and that'll always end in tears for me.

As of November 2018, I am officially out as trans, and identifying as female full time. My personal life has prevented me from actually starting to transition, but that will hopefully change in the near future. As of writing this (July 2020), it's kiiiiiiinda hard to justify going outside.

I'm incredibly proud to be who I am. I always intend to wear my identity on my sleeve no matter what, even if I'm actively being opposed. Who I am is the most important thing to me, and my biggest hope is that I can inspire other people to be proud of who they are in turn.

My name is Sonia Jade Calloway.

Trans rights.

<3

I have weird opinions on TASes and this should eventually be an indicator of that.

Oh right, I TAS too, don't I.